Well I’m in the good ole ATL thanks to Jeralyn….this message will be brief….this computer is slow so I don’t plan to use it often….
For those that had good advice/consoling for me….thanks….I’m not a perfect guy, but I’m working on improving myself….one day at a time….one day at a time….
As Che says, “Holla Bizzle”
Don’t let anyone tell you that words can’t hurt….
I’ve hurt someone I really care about….there is nothing I can do now….I’ve lost her….after all of the back and forth and when I realize that there was REALLY SOMETHING there after all I slip up and betray her trust so that I can one up her on a smart comment….
And I wonder why I’m alone….
Sometimes I wonder how I can live with myself….and my smart dumb ass mouth…..
I can’t blame anyone but myself for my loneliness this time….
Every now and again I get the urge to listen to a song on a particular “pre-MP3″ CD….this song was on my mind for whatever reason
Lyrics courtesy of the Original hip-hop lyric archive….
From A Tribe Called Quests five mic album “Midnight Marauders”
“8 Million Stories”
Verse One: Phife Dawg
Went to Carvel to get a milk shake
This honey ripped me off for all my loot cakes
The car oh yeah there’s money in my jacket
Somebody broke into my ride and cold macked it
Yo tip I tell you man the devil’s tryin it
But I’m goin to stay strong cause I ain’t buyin it
Tonight I’m taking Sherry out, I don’t have jack to wear
You know I gots to look dipped in the fresh new gear
Cool I found something so I ironed it
I then got caught up on the phone, oh shit I’m fryin it
Will someone tell me what did I do to deserve this?
I think I’ll, pull out my suit for Sunday service
My little brother wants Barney, cool I’m gettin it
Took him down to Kay-Bee, they ain’t sellin it
Here we go with the cryin, yo he’s throwin fits
My blood pressure’s blowin up, I can’t take the shit
Finally got what he wanted now he’s good to go
Again the ride was smashed, where’s my radio?
One time the car was in the shop I had to borrow see…
They had no mercy on the car they almost killed me
Where the hell can Nicki be? I’m gonna smack her up
I got the tickets for the Knicks and she cold stood me up
I need to hit a honey off, Jarobi pass the phone
Pulled out my book of hoes, oh yo Sheila’s home
Steady smilin like a mother yo I’m read’ to bone
Went down to hon, she’s in the red zone
Stressed out more than anyone could ever be
Forever tryin to clear the samples for my new LP
Everybody knows I go to Georgia often
Got on the flight and I ended up in Boston
With all these trials and tribulations yo I’ve been affected
And to top it off, Starks got ejected
Refrain: Phife Dawg
Problems, problems, problems, woe is me I’m havin
problems, problems, problems..
Verse Two: Phife Dawg
Just last week my girl was stressin me
Now her best friend be underssin me
Well I was lovin her by the moon ray
Now I’m tricking on her like Kinte’ (c’mon)
Bought a bag of izm from the smoke shop
Walkin towards the car, here come the damn cops
Now I’m station bound for the thai sticks
I bought it for my man, I don’t believe this shit
Coach sat me down from the ball team
Cause I was breakin niggaz on the inseams
Some niggaz cross town was tryin to stick me
All I had was shorts, a dollar fifty
Picked up this girl in the hooptie
Just because I rhyme she tried to soup me
Pay for this, pay for that, loot for nails and hair
Who the hell you think I am, Mr. Belvedere?
Go and get a bloody job, then can we look cute
Even if you give me boots, you’ll neva see my loot
She wasn’t even all of that just another hooker
So I turned that ass away, quick like Chucky Booker
Sometimes you got put the hoes in their friggin place
Just move from in front me with your botty face!
Refrain: Phife Dawg
Problems, problems, problems, Lord knows I’m havin
problems, problems, problems, Jesus Christ I’m havin
problems, problems, problems, pray for me I’m havin
problems, problems, problems..
Yeah
Yeah..
Just lay down your burdens by the riverside
Hah, and you’ll be alright, knowhatI’msayin?
Love and peace from Phife for ‘93, knahmsayin?
Tribe Called Quest, Shaheed and Tip
This is how we flip
My man Muhammad in the house, huh [come on, come on]
Zulu Nation in the house, huh [come on, come on]
SubRoc is in the house, huh [come on, come on]
My man Skeff is in the house, huh [come on, come on]
Jarobi White is in the house, huh [come on, come on]
Bob Power in the house, huh [come on, come on]
My man Eric in the house, huh [come on, come on]
My man Nitro in the house, huh [come on, come on]
Refrain: Q-Tip
Help me out y’all, help me out now
Help me out y’all, help me out now
Help me out God, I really need ya
Help me out now, I really need ya
Help me out y’all, help me out now
I’m havin problems, help me out now
Really need ya, to help me out now
Help me out y’all, help me out now
Help me out y’all, help me out now
Help me out y’all, help me out now
Help me out God, I really need ya
Havin problems, help me out now..
[help me, help me, help me, help me, help me, help me
help me, help me, help me, help me, help me, help me…..
…..MUHAMMAD!!]
That’s just how/what I’m feeling today….
I don’t know how I feel about me and Baby Che being characterized as having megalomaniacal tendencies….maybe Nina…but hey….Raj usually comes with the truth so maybe I need to open up and accept the fact that I wish to become a ruthless tyrant….
I think I’m somewhat narcissitic….I’m very self centered and I always think of myself first in matters of the heart….I’ve been known to exude extreme confidence at times….but I’m also very self-effacing to the point of low self-esteem at times too….
I guess you have to have some degree of delusional thought to want to go out and buy a domain just so you can have a weblog and recieve comments on it….
Let me go make an appointment with Dr. Melfi since she just had a weekly slot open up….
For the longest (like till I got to college) I thought it was an APV that the Police used to put out….
Anyway, today’s been a pretty cool day….I talked to Kkarma today on AIM!….she’s so cool….
The Falcons ran up the score on the Panthers….it’s nice to shut out a team you play twice on both occassions!!!….I’m trying not to get too excited about the Falcons….but it’s getting harder with every win….
Anyway….getting back to the point….there are some people who were once significant parts of my life and I often wonder what they are up to….so I’m starting a grassroots campaign to find them….here’s how it will work….
This is gonna be harder for some of them than it will be for others….but it’s worth a shot….if i catch up with even 1 of these people I’ll consider it a success….ideally I want them to find this website and see their name here and holla back if they feel like it at calvin@killacal.net
I went to high school with Elenda….she went to FAMU and the last time I saw her was Sophomore year at a party….
Christal was one of my best friends for the last 2 years of high school….we stayed close during much of undergrad while she was at Emory/Oxford….then she up and joined the military on a brother…..
Joy….she was my long distance girl….I kinda did her wrong but I still think about her….she lived in New Jersey at the time we last spoke….
Breagen….she was my “protege” in high school….she was so brilliant….she went to MIT and then I lost touch with her…..
Cutty/Jeff….he was the road dog during the pre-freshman summer….sneaking over to Spelman during lunch and all that….we had a lot of fun…last i heard he had transfered from Syracuse to Howard….
Nikia….we took Latin together senior year in high school….and the summer before freshman year we kept in contact….then we lost contact….
Anyway faithful readers, this is a shot in the dark I realize….but it’s a small world, and I’ve been surprised before….
Right now I’m looking for inspiration….I’m listening to Jimi Hendrix “(Have You Ever Been To) Electric Ladyland”….I feel empty right now….I haven’t eaten either….Jimi’s imploring me to “Make love, make love, make love….”….wishful thinking man….
The thing about me is, I can’t listen to a whole song unless I’m in the mood for it….with the evergrowing amount of songs I’ve downloaded, along with my propensity to place them all on one big playlist, I find myself listening to about 30 seconds of a song and then hitting “next” to see how truly random winamp is….
Why did I ever download, “Jasmine” by Black Rob….
Snap’s “I Got The Power” used to be one of the theme songs on my dad’s radio show….I can’t listen to that right now either….life isn’t fair….
The Cars “Drive” reminds me of when I was around 7 or 8….I remember my childhood so vividly….I think holding on to the ignorance bliss of childhood is part of my problem….
Gwen Stefani put her heart into “Don’t Speak”….I can’t get my heart to talk like that….
“Neither One Of Us (Wants To Be The First to Say Goodbye)” by Gladys Knight speaks to a certain situation in my life right now….
I don’t know why Mary J. never released “Sincerity”with DMX and Nas….I heard it was supposed to be on the “Mary” album….it woulda fit in pretty well if you asked me….maybe it was too “urban”….who knows….
I still love Musiq Soulchild’s version of “Settle For My Love”….Patrice Rushen’s version is really good too….she has one of those voices that I really love….but Musiq’s version is in an elite group of cover songs that out do the original….
“If I could/I would try to shield your innocence from time/but the part of life I gave you isn’t mine/I’ll watch you grow/so I can let you go” from Regina Belle’s “If I Could” makes me think of my moms….
I spent like two whole weeks searching for Lauryn Hill’s remix to “The Sweetest Thing”….it culminated one night when I was about to give up after getting “Tell Him” (one of the bonus cuts on the Miseducation album) for like the 12th time….I commissioned the OJ to help me and he ended up finding it for a brotha….
Sinead O’Conner’s crazy ass made it famous….but I really dig Prince’s version of “Nothing Compares to You” with Rosie Gaines….this version is a live performance and it feels really heartfelt….
I look back and laugh at the times I used to clown my boy Eulus for playing Noreaga’s first album back when we were roommates….it’s become one of my favorite albums….I’ve become taken with randomly, and usually with tongue firmly planted in cheek, saying “I Love My Life” because of that song on Nore’s album….
This time last year I was in Savage’s in San Antonio dancing with some girl I’ll never see again to Ja Rule and Ashanti’s “Always On Time”….and as much as it irks me….I’m a fan of Ja Fool and his crew, despite the damage they are doing to music as we know it….
Anyway….Amel Larrieux seems to be singing to me when I listen to “Get Up”….she almost seems to care….
Alot of songs were skipped, but that’s how I do when I’m sitting here in my little world….maybe tomorrow I’ll have something tangible to talk about….niggas are about to come invade my house to drink and stuff…..
Somehow during the middle of a hectic day at Meharry; me, Jeralyn, Dave, H to the Izzo (Heather) and M dot Brown ended up in the computer lab and this page becomes the focus of attention….
And there was significant attention brought to the infamous Houston Trip entry in my old journal…..
So I’m bringing it back….right here…with some additions noted by **starring on either side** cuz I forgot some details the first time around….for those that have never read it….it’s a little taste of the old Killa….
Anyway….without further ado….I present….Houston Trip redeux….
So I just got back from the SNMA convention in Houston, TX.
Soooo much went on. Firstly I didn’t do any of the things I was supposed to do. Go to meetings??….Blah?….How can you go to meetings when there is a Brooks Brothers right downstairs?…..However I did have too much fun….more fun than the law allows (literally).
First day….man oh man….get to the airport at around 7:15 and wait till 8 for the bar to open….me and Geoff each had 4 drinks (mine was scotch and tonic) and we were also joined by our classmate Amanda….we arrive around 11 in the morning and me, Geoff, and Dave ride out with their linebrother Dave….(yeah two Daves)….we roll out to the University of Houston…..this school was something completely different to me….from my very limited view it seemed kinda cool but it was very, very different…..
Then we decide to take it to the other TSU (which by the way will never be refered to as TSU by me from this point forward….)….Texas Southern is the perfect school for you if you always wanted to be greek but aren’t so sure about the Divine Nine….it seems that the black folks at THIS school have taken every conceivable three letter combination of Greek letters and formed a group….are you dark skin with nappy hair and face only a mother could love but you still want to twirl a cane???….join random organization A!!!….Yes at Texas Southern noone is a nobody!!….
Then we make our way to a place that served Empanada’s (also known as Oompaloompas….)…..these balls of fried tortillas with chicken inside were the greatest…..Michelina’s needs to begin work post stat on creating a microwave version for my enjoyment….
So we get to the hotel….the Westin Galleria….at this point I would like to congratulate the genius who decided to connect a hotel with a mall….what a great effing idea!!!….I then proceded to go wild inside of what is probably the most ballingest mall I have ever entered….Lenox and Phipps have nothing on the Galleria….oh and I did see Kelly from Destiny’s Child in Gucci not to mention….that and I discovered that there is a LaCoste boutique!!….
Went to a meeting led by some chick who probably should have been a kindergarten teacher but somehow found her way into someone’s med school….at this point I am tired and head into the mall again (this happened about 90 times during the next three days)….then we got ready for the night’s festivities…
The Hard Rock Cafe was the spot for the night….prior to leaving however, it is the custom to get “liquored up”…..because we were in Houston we decided to go all out!….the Super Magnum of Grey Goose and two huge bottles of Apple Puckers were purchased….drinks were tossed up all around (not to mention there was weed)….by the way…..our room consisted of me, Geoff, Dave, and Mark (this is key later on)….
So after a suffiecient period of drinking and smoking we head out to the Hard Rock….I had a blast….I saw one person I was expecting to see (Renita) and one I didn’t expect to see (Charmaine) and I was pleased on both counts….after hanging for a while we decided it was time to leave….but we couldn’t find Mark….and well since me and the other three were all in some various form of intoxication Mark didn’t make it into the car with us (which in hindsight was probably a good thing)….
So off we head to Taco Cabana cuz aggin’s are hungry….but Houston Dave kept giving Meharry Dave bad directions such as: “Whenever I tell you to turn make a left” (while pointing right) and while on the freeway (yeah you can get off at anyone of these exits)….anyway we somehow ended up in a Denny’s parking lot where Houston Dave says, “My house is around the corner…..I’m finna piss the dog and I’ll be right back”….yes that’s right this man did say he had to “Piss the Dog”….now if any of us had been sober we wouldn’t have gotten out of the car…..we would have in fact headed to the hotel….but we were not….and as a result we were “out there bad”….
We ended up taking a cab back from Denny’s after finding out were probably in the neighborhood Jason’s Lyric was filmed in….not good times….bad times….we make it back to the room expecting to not see Mark…not only do we see this fool….we see him posted up on the floor in the bathroom with one hand on the rim of the toilet looking up with a blank look….and despite the fact that we all needed to urinate “The Dude” would not leave his post….**Meharry Dave can’t hold it any longer and pisses off the balcony of our room** ….Geoff laughs for an hour and we all head to sleep….
Day two….we wake up the next morning and the Dude has changed positions….he is now sleeping with his upper torso in the closet and his lower body in the hallway….we all had to step over, around, and even on him to iron our clothes and anter the bathroom….we get dressed and decide to call “Piss the Dog” and see what the hell happened last night….dude didn’t remember having left us at all….he said he woke up and his front door was open and he was basically “out there bad” just like us….
We had a few good laughs about this and then I decided to go pay my friend Renita a visit….we caught up for a long time and even went into the mall (I got a LaCoste Cologne and got on the LaCoste mailing list and bought a cd or two)….
Went to a meeting and discovered how obsolete I really was…..turns out that our region feels like our school has too much voting power even though we have over half of the membership in the region and control 85% of the funds…..long story short they gave our school only one vote and left the other delegates high and dry…..at this point most of us said eff the conference and it became about having as much fun as possible….
We then head to a party at a place called “The Mansion”….”Piss the Dog” had never heard of the Mansion so we were apprehensive at first….turns out that this place might have been the best club I’ve ever had the pleasure of entering….it was laid out like a Mexican Hacienda with various outdoor patios and plush upstairs areas with couches….it had beds in the main room and it was just the greatest….it combined the best parts of 112, Vegas Nights, and Karma all in one club with the atmosphere of the Industry and crowds as good as the old Phenomena(if you aren’t familiar with Atlanta clubs none of this will mean anything to you)….in short this was the best party ever….beating out the imfamous 2000 Senior Party at the Chili Pepper….yes it was that great….we headed to Taco Cabana and then called it a night….
The next day my boy Bernard was having a barbeque so initially the whole crew was supposed to roll out that way….Dave still had alot more weed so he wanted to make some brownies and we also still had some shopping we wanted to do….I went and got some Air Huaraches (Dark grey/light grey)….then Amanda made her way up from Louisiana with her cousin and best friend….we end up heading out to this mexican restuarant which was nowhere near as good as the first one we visited and then I headed back to the hotel so that Eulus could come get me and whoever to go to Bernard’s….Whoever ended up going from about 4 people to just me and Heather….Bernard had just pledged Omega so he had some of his LB’s over….they were cool but after a while I was ready to go…..
2 hours after the aforementioned “a while” had passed I was finally able to leave and we headed back to the Hotel….I didn’t really want to do anything at all when I got back to the hotel….Heather and I had gotten a half gallon of Absolute and it would have been fine by me to have a little room party and call it a night….I happened to run into Charmaine again and I REALLY wanted to kick it with her because I hadn’t gotten a chance to even so much as dance with her and she was looking GOOD….but at any rate I headed out with the fellas and we ended up going to a place called Semper’s which I didn’t remember very well because of the brownies…..**some details that I remember are young Tasha calling everyone’s old friend Earl and blaming it on the brownies (it was really the salmon they served at the banquet)**
Which leads to today….somehow I packed all of my stuff and didn’t leave anything in Houston….I saw Charmaine again this morning at the airport but I was just too tired/high/plain ole out of it to even go sit with her….luckily for me I was able to get her number so I plan to call her for certain **in typical Killa Cal fashion I never called her fine ass, yeah I’m a wack nigga**….the flight was okay (kinda bumpy) and I’ve been asleep ever since….
I am glad I have tomorrow off because I will need it….what a weekend!!
What a weekend indeed!….ahhhh the good times!
Rather than talk about the bad things in my day I’ll bring up the good things….let’s see if I can change my kharma….
I enjoyed an eggnog latte from Starbuck’s and some good ole Taco Bell….those who know me know that I’m the biggest Taco Bell fiend this side of the Mississippi River….
I had my latte and Taco Bell with Jeralyn (also known as J.A., she said I can use her real name now!) and Doris who are two of my favorite people on Earth…..
I came home and my old roommate and one of my best friends period, Crystal, had left me something which really, really helped me out….I love Crystal….she’s the best for real….
I beat Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (at least the main storyline!)….
I still don’t have any cable, I had five minutes of hot water, my lady friend is still upset with me, I did terribly on a skills exam that I forgot was even going to take place this morning, my baby sister is depressed and I can’t tell her anything positive cuz my life is just as effed up
Well I tried….
My cable is out….
I’ve got a lingering cold….
I’m lacking energy….
I’m grumpy…..
I’ve pissed off someone I was just starting to get to come around….
I need a haircut….
I have no money…..
and bill collectors keep calling from “Unknown Name, Unknown Number”
I am going to sleep!
The homie Dave (of the Houston Trip and other noteworthy stories) just left the crib with a friend of his….
Elzhi from Slum Village….
I burned some CD’s for Dave and showed El some shit on Vice City….he’s a real cool nigga….he really loves his craft….I felt like I just had a brush with living and breathing hip hop….
SV had performed here in Nashville and now are on their way to Phoenix….I really wasn’t trying to stress him about his career or whatever, cuz I mean I know it has to work his nerves to be constantly asked about what his life is like and stuff….
Anyway I had to get in here and chronicle it….
Later
