Ahhhh….

I just got back from eating with my classmates Andrea and Jamila and my baby sister Suga Che….

She’s in town for a statistics conference….

We always have a good time when we’re together as long as we don’t have to share a computer or a TV….

We didn’t stop laughing the whole time during dinner at Carrabba’s (the greatest Italian restuarant chain there is)….

Good times people….good times….and what makes it even better is that she’ll be back next week for Spring Break!….if only Nina were here…..

I was in a foul mood this morning….and I couldn’t figure it out….I made Jeralyn upset with my antics….I shot birds at people….I was just being an ass….

I mean I really couldn’t figure it out at all….

Then I went to lunch Taco Bell with one of my classmates, Dayna….and I felt a little better (Taco Bell usually does the trick when I’m feeling negatively)….we talked about alot of things, but the conversation led to the fact that kids can’t be kids anymore and the ills of the world today….

We concluded that it’s a bad time to be a kid….

And then I come home and see that Mr. Rogers died this morning….and I understand why today went the way it did….

His death probably created a ripple in the fabric of kharma and such….you don’t lose such a genuinely good person without creating some sort of disturbance in the world’s psychic fabric….

We’ve lost the best neighbor we’ve ever had….

What a life….

I just had bomb ass chicken enchiladas, watched American Idol, had a review of the urinary system, and held a conversation about my class and life with my upstairs neighbors/neuro lab partners Andrea and Jamila….they are great….

But what struck me the most (besides our conversation about child molestation) was the fact that I have a persistant worry in my life that I shouldn’t have….

Every day I wake up and hope that I don’t have to deal with the justice system on some bullshit….

Like me and the homies are in a car and we “fit the description of some perpetrators of a local crime” or we’re just in the wrong place at the wrong time….

Even if I was exonerated I wouldn’t feel right about it….that shouldn’t be something I have to concern myself with….but it happens to people like me everyday….

It could happen to me….

So now, when all is seemingly well in my life, THIS is what I worry about….

Uncle Buck is one of my favorite movies….

Not just because it was funny, or had John Candy, or a pre-Michael Jackson influenced Macaulay Culkin….it goes deeper than that….

See when I was a kid (from about 8 till about the age of 16 or so), I was like a smarter, more acid tongued version of the teenaged daughter Tia….I was as nasty as they come….I talked back to my mom and pretty much everyone else except my dad….

I was a messed up kid for real….getting popped in the mouth and stuff only temporarily calmed me down….I couldn’t really be stopped effectivly for long….

Anyway, my mom used to attend night classes to get her teacher’s ceritification so she used to have people babysit us pretty often….

More often than not our babysitter was Sandi….

Me and Sandi used to go AT it….I would get smart with her and she’d give it right back to me….my mom would kinda give in after awhile, but Sandi would NEVER back down….sometimes she would take that extra step to get the upper hand on me….not unlike Uncle Buck’s dealings with Tia….

Unlike the movie, it took MUCH longer than two hours or even a week to resolve our differences….I had to mature and understand what a little jackass I was….

Now that I’ve gotten older I can look back and laugh at what a dumb kid I was….but sometimes I still feel terrible for how I used to act….

I used to go up to Sandi’s job while I was at Morehouse and talk with her….I’m glad she didn’t hold my obnoxious behavior against me…she really helped me grow up….

Oh well, let me get back to the movie….

First of all….I gotta get something off of my chest….my boy Adrian is a TRUE Hip Hop head….one day ya’ll will know whatever name he wants to go by as a producer….I respect what he says pertaining to music….

In undergrad, he and I had a debate about who the greatest Hip Hop artist was(that’s all you really do in college, try and get as many girls as you can and have meaningless arguments all day and night)….well this was 1999 and my choice was LL Cool J….

I hear you laughing, but really I had a well thought out argument….I mean he hadn’t made The G.O.A.T. or Ten yet….he was just on the cover of the anniversary issue of the Source (which was still somewhat credible)….

The point is, I held my own against his choice of KRS-1….

And now, everytime I hear Paradise and LL saying idiotic things like, “Paradise is veeeeeery nice…” and “..touch it why don’t ya…” and “..hey girl, awwwww girl, hey girl I wanna rock your world…” I want to throw up!….

Arghhhhhh…..

Anyway, last night the homie Geoff FORCED me to put in my contact lenses that I’ve owned for….umm….a long time…

I owned contacts one time before this one….when I was in 10th grade I went out and bought some in an attempt to reject all things nerdy….and I spent 2 hours every morning wrestling with my eyeballs to get them in….I only had to miss the bus once to know that contacts and the Killa weren’t gonna work….

Well (and I know I’m going to date myself by saying this) my old roommate Crystal worked at an optomitrist’s office when the year was still 2001….so I said, what the hell….I’ll get me some of those bad boys….

They’ve been on my eyeballs since a little before the Tyson fight and so far so good….

I was able to see the snow fall (yes it snowed AGAIN….didn’t stick on anything but cars though), and a flake or two actually touched the area around my eyes where my glasses would normally be….it was weird….

On the way to the “beer store” to re-up on Vodka (my staple drink….gotta make those Apple Martini’s), Geoff handed me a bottle to chunk out of the window (I’m opening myself up to criticism from Liberal Tree Hugging Save-the-Earthers….I know I was wrong….so save yourself the trouble if you feel the urge)….and it wasn’t as empty as we thought, in the process of grabbing it by the neck and throwing it into the street the contents spilled on me….

I thought that the clerk at the package store wouldn’t serve me for a while….I expected him to say, “Sir, you smell like you’ve had more than enough Al-key-hall for the night!!”….I smelled like the 8th innning of a Braves game….

The Tyson fight was 49 seconds….what can you really say about that?….He looked kind of wild, but as he showed, all it really took was one punch….I though old boy had broken his leg Joe Thiesman style (a football reference that went WAAAAAAAY over the heads of any female readers I have)….

The highlight last night was EASILY the press conference….it amazes me how easily Mike can float between RAMBLING idiot and DEEP philosopher….he made some statements last night that reminded me of the videos they would show in Behavioral Sciences class about Schizophrenia….and then all of a sudden he says something that makes PERFECT sense….I wish Don King had been there to shout, “Only in America”….

One last thing before my fingers fall off….last night I had the strangest dream….I was macking on this female I know when she revealed that she hadn’t seen the Lion King….so I start crying, like sobbing and I break out into a rendition of “Circle of Life” and tell her how it’s my favorite movie….

I haven’t had a crazy dream in a while, so I guess I was due….but DAMN!

Sometimes I trip out….not on a drug trip, like an acid trip or anything…just thinking about crazy stuff tripping…

Like I suddenly remembered this tripped out cat that used to go to Morehouse….I forget his real name, but he went by Sugarfist….he was a crazy dude….someone on the Maroon Tiger staff decided to interview this guy and it was the most confusing thing I’ve ever read (well besides this when it’s finished I’m sure)….the guy posed in a dumpster full of trash to accompany the article….he reminded me off…………..

Kool Keith…I’m on the verge of buying this guy’s whole catalog….and I’ve only listened to one of his songs….I’ve been reading his lyrics on The Original Hip-Hop Lyrics Archive and he’s a fool….if only I hadn’t misappropriated my budget so badly….at least my rent is paid….I’ve been here for well over a year now….longer than anyone on this floor I do believe….

I just ran into my neighbor in the hallway as I took a load of clothes to the washer…she didn’t know I stayed here!…I don’t know if that speaks badly on me as a neighbor or her as an observer….well that’s my thing though, keep to myself and don’t bother nobody….

Unlike Mike Tyson who is fighting tonight (I hope)….I’m glad I have Showtime (second time I’ve EVER said that)….I really hope he wins…if only so I can see him fight Lenox Lewis again, with his finished Maori Tibal Tattoo….

I never thought about getting a tattoo….I’m not afraid of the pain….physical pain doesn’t bother me so much actually….I just don’t want something so permanent on my body knowing what a fleeting guy I am….I get tired of things after five minutes….so imagine me with a tattoo I thought was a bright idea one moment, that I despise for the rest of my life….

Oh well….no one reads this stuff on weekends….everyone else is out doing human things….I’ll go back to my Kool Keith searching….

When I get mad….I think about that line in Thought Process by the long lost Goodie Mob….you get the feeling Khujo was reallt frustrated and/or irritated when he spit that line….

Well I felt just like Khujo about 4 hours ago as i sat down and wrote what I thought was a pretty good entry here….

I hold on to things for too long….I get angry about things I can’t control and just STAY mad….it’s funny because I’m always admonishing people NOT to do that….

Anyway….I say they can’t hold me down….I’mma tell my story dammit!!

Soooooo….I woke up this morning without cable television….no watching Sportscenter as a I get dressed!!!….the horror…my daily routine interrupted….imagine that?

Why was your cable off you might ask?….well there was the matter of an unpaid bill, despite sufficient funds in my bank account?….Cal are you that lazy??….indeed, I am….TRIFLING…..I know….as Coco would say, “Shame”….

Well I resolved to go pay my bill because if I hadn’t, not only would I miss the upcoming Tyson fight (being a Showtime subscriber has some benefit afterall…who’da thunk it)….I’d also miss my two favorite channels….MTV Jams and VH1 Soul….

I don’t know how I lived my life prior to my discovery of these nonstop musical head trips….

So, inspired by observations made by the homie Geoff, Adrian and Dwayne’s e-mail, Deah’s entry about a week ago, and things I’ve noticed….some random thoughts about music videos….

- There is a new Bone Thugs-N-Harmony video called Home….big deal right?….well here is the thing, it also has Phil Collins in it….and not some archival footage of Phil either!!….no Flesh and whoever is left of Bone are right there in the same shot with Phil…with their ARMS around his shoulder, like they are old chums!!….and Phil is looking somewhat dejected with a baseball cap on and when it’s off you see some male pattern baldness….now my question is, are times that hard for Phil?….or are times that good for Bone???….my guess is the former….and just to make the murder complete….it looks like the video is shot in England!!….who was the genius that decided to a)send Bone overseas and b)have them do a video with Phil Collins….I want to shake his hand!

- MTV Jams has a “Jam of the Week” kinda like how regular MTV used to have when they actually showed videos (yeah kids….MTV used to show videos all day!!!)….so anyway, the past two jams of the week (Beautiful by Snoop Dogg and Excuse Me Miss by Jay-Z) have something in common….the hooks are sung by Pharrell Williams of the Neptunes….when did Pharrell officially become an R&B nigga?….did I miss the memo?….is he a legit singer?….is he the next R&B superstar….I know I can’t stop singing the hook to Excuse Me Miss….

- I’ve already written about 80’s videos….somewhere along the lines….but it stands mentioning again!….between the Johnny Gill Fairweather Friend video Deah and I stumbled upon while watching the Raiders beat up on Jets where he was doing magical nigga tricks WAY before “The Legend of Bagger Vance”….to Ralph’s stir-ups in the If It Isn’t Love video….to the hair cuts/juicy curls EVERYONE had…to Al B. Sure’s cardigans….

- I have a special catagory called “What the F*ck” videos….you know the videos without ANY sort of plot that makes sense….now most of the 80’s videos can fit in this category for sure…but some videos just aren’t right….like Total’s Kissing You video….I mean there is a detective, a swimming pool with fully clothed swimmers, and Total….if you can put a plot together from that mess you are the next Hype Williams!….you missed your calling….you need to be making music videos!….or how about the fact that (my wife) Amerie and her male counterpart in Talking To Me are wearing Winter coats and boots while the people walking down the street are wearing SHORTS and TANK TOPS!!….or the Communist Worker Camp vibes in the Slick Rick Teenage Love video….I halfway expected Josef Stalin to pop out at any moment….

- And then we have the videos that have reached MYTHICAL proportions….like the Mr. Dalvin video that came out in the summer of 2000….I don’t remember the name of the song….and only 5 other people have seen it (and I was with one of them when she watched it)….but at one point he’s playing the drums with some metal arms like Jax from Mortal Kombat on a spinning platform….then he is singing horribly with some nasty back-up dancers….and then finally he breaks out into some crack induced dance routine reminicent of Gator in Jungle Fever….BET will probably NEVER show it again….also qualifying here are Black Jesus’s What That Thang Smell Like and any other video on BET’s Uncut with strippers and/or Akenyele and the imfamous XXX version of 2Pac’s How Do You Want It (mmmmm Heather Hunter)….

Seen any of these videos?….did I forget something memorable?….holla at the comments shawty!!!….or if you are shy e-mail me at calvin@killacal.net

It’s taken me 14 years to come to grips with the fact that I was/still am a nerd….

My recent recollection of stories (parts 1, 2, and 3) from my childhood were more than entertaining stories to me….they were a part of my acceptance of that fact….

Just to be able to get those stories out was a burden off of my back….it seems as though this year is starting to become a “rebuilding year” in my life….

I’ve gotten rid of a major negative force in my life and come to the aforementioned self-actualization….

Anyway, Vic, a reader and fellow Morehouse grad, e-mailed me a great essay in relation to my story about being bullied….it’s a little long but just about every word resonated with me….

It helped me step back and understand see why things went the way they did when I was younger….

I think I sacrificed some of my future potential by “trying” to be popular as I got a little older….being a nerd was just too unbearable to me….

As a consequences my grades suffered and I became angry with the world….even now I’ve been told that I seem kind of unapproachable….I think a great deal of my mistrust of people stems from my experiences at that age….

Well, I’m working on it….Rome wasn’t built in a day after all….but slowly and surely I’m making strides….

Nina and Che are great for a variety of reasons….but I think what I love the most is that between the three of us, we never forget any of the shenanigans we get into….

Che has reminded me of our first trip to Orlando, Florida….I was going to the 10th grade….that wasteland age of 15….

Unlike most kids I didn’t actually get to visit Disney World until I was 21, after winning the Honda National Championship (I was supposed to go in 6th grade, but that’s a story for another time…ugh not good times…bad times)….

Anyway, we went to Orlando with my mom’s friend from college, Aunt Lisa, and her niece Leslie….we visited Universal Studios and spent alot of time in the pool/jacuzzi…but the thing that stands out about that trip was the visit to a time share village….

Man….that was one of the most agonizing days of my life….

They had a room for all the children to chill in while their parents were duped into purchasing time-shares and Leslie, my sisters, and I were trying to keep a VERY low profile….when all of a sudden a girl who was about 12 or so comes up and asks my name….

She was a pretty little girl, but she had the most annoying voice ever!….she sounded all like, “KYALLLLLVIIIN, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?”….she pronounced every single letter and lingered on the vowels….

I was trying to ignore her, but she went on unwavered….she started a complete laundry list of cities….she named EVERY SINGLE LARGE CITY IN AMERICA EXCEPT MY HOMETOWN OF ATLANTA….

I can still here her loud, screeching voice (spelled phonetically for your entertainment/edification), “Are you from BAAAAAWSTON?….CHIKAAGOO?….HUUUUUUUUGHSTON?….NEW YOOOOOORK?”….

This went on for about 15 minutes, until I had enough of it and I yelled, “ATLANTA!!!!” at her….

Pretty soon after that my mother and Aunt Lisa arrived back into that room to save me….

What killed me was that they didn’t even buy the freaking time share!!!….

I have to make sure that whatever children I have get to experience something like that….

I’m gonna have that girl’s voice in my head all night now….

Valentine’s Day….okay, I’ve tried it both ways (to a certain extent anyway)….and I can officially say it’s for the f*cking birds….and by birds I mean it in the 70’s “Austin Powers” way….it’s for women….

It’s designed for thier happiness and thier satisfaction….and that’s cool, but for a single, somewhat insane, Black male it’s torture….

I don’t know where what I just fits in with what occured last night, but I feel like I should say it just the same….

So there is a Black Law Student convention going on this weekend in Nashville….there was a party last night at a club called the Tunnel….

I called my boy Reggie, who I assumed would be up here, seeing as how he’s a Black Law Student at Emory and he was hyping it up in October….well he wasn’t here, but somehow I convinced him to head up here….

We got to the club expecting free beer and liquor, and found out that it ws via some bootleg process that I still don’t understand at this moment, but somehow I found a way to drink….

For awhile it looked like it was going to be a bluff…there weren’t all that many Black folks in there period…but then people started to show up en mass….and it got packed….this is when I started getting SLAYED….

I got cussed at for not being able to dance (if anyone ever tells you all Black people can dance introduce them to me…cuz I couldn’t dance if I studied Darren’s Dance Grooves all day…I just don’t got it)…I got cussed at for not wanting to let this girl hold my jacket (she saw me with it off later and starts ranting about how I don’t trust her….and then she SLAYED me later when I made an attempt to dance with her)

What is SLAYING? It’s shooting down someone’s attempt to make a move or otherwise engage in interaction in a manner that is more often than not embarrassing (at least to that particular person)….

I think it was the resultant karma for my SLAYING of this young lady who said she knew me from Morehouse and started to talk to me….my club game is kinda weak….and I’m rude by nature but I didn’t mean any harm….

Anyway, despite all of that I still had fun….we left there and headed to Waffle House….I was in the very back of the HUGE Expedition with my classmate Kim, who for some odd reason enjoys laughing at me for unexplained reasons….I think she thinks I’m a huge herb….whatever….

So we get to Waffle House and I’m telling stories from high school and this guy Reggie is AMAZED at how much I remember….to the smallest detail….

Like the fact that I remember that we took a trip to Milledgeville in high school for a quiz bowl tournament and I remember that it was the same night we watched Roy Jones, Jr. “lose” to Montell Griffin by hitting him when he was down on the canvas….

I guess I do have an amazing memory, although I can’t really remember people’s faces when I see them on the street/in the club/at school….

Anyway, I think I’m going to take a break from this place for a while….I have written here everyday for the past two weeks….I’ll be back….I pay for the space after all….I’m not moving out….just going on a small vacation….