It’s a double edged sword having your friends and associates know your personal thoughts….

On the one hand you get everything out there….many people appreciate your candor and your “boldness” for having your life (however boring and insignificant it may be) in plain view for the world to judge.

On the other hand….you run the risk of hurting people you care about (intentionally or not)….you get taken advantage of by others who wouldn’t or couldn’t let their feelings be known….

In the past 4 days I’ve managed to betray the trust of one of the only people outside of my family to show me true and unconditional friendship and love….I’ve irrevocably damaged a couple of other friendships….I’ve got to live with the consequences of these actions for the rest of my life….

I’ve come to a few conclusions….I CANNOT stop writing here….call me selfish, but it’s too therapuetic for me….I however, WILL NOT write about the lives of other people who haven’t given me prior consent from now on….I should have always had such a policy….I was mistaken in NOT working under that policy before….

In the future I won’t consent to writing something because it “needs to be said”….I won’t believe that it will “be good for someone”….that’s not my job….I was spineless in the first place, I’ve learned my lesson….I knew what was right from the beginning and I got convinced otherwise….

To the people I’ve hurt/betrayed/offended in the past with my writings, I’m truly sorry….it may be too late to mend some of the relations, but know that I am the worse for my actions….

Today was one of those days where I feel the need to go back over every bit and savor it….it was such a good day on many levels….

First of all, I didn’t know as I was typing my earlier entry that at about 5 AM, Atlanta, GA and many other parts of GA and Alabama were shaken by an EARTHQUAKE. Luckily my scary ass slept through it. Nina and my mom woke up however. It was a 4.9 on the Richter scale, so no major structural damage occured.

So after I typed my entry about Road to Perdition I headed out with Nina to the AUC. We picked Che up from the gates at Spelman as I marveled at the new parking deck at Morehouse. For my 4 years at Morehouse we BEGGED and PLEADED for a deck. People were getting towed and booted, it was a mess! Well when Morehouse decides to do something they go all out! The deck is well put together. It has a bookstore on the lower level and everything! And the charge to park there is lower than Spelman’s deck (take that!).

We headed to Gutbuster’s new location at the corner of Abernathy and Lee Street, the old Krispy Kreme. They had PLENTY of great seating (which was once a major problem at the old location) but the food was STILL great! I saved part of my sandwich, but I couldn’t resist the urge to eat it while on the road, by Manchester, TN it was in my stomach!

While Beth didn’t make it to lunch with us, I did run into my roommate from Junior year Kareem. It was really good seeing him, we caught up for a minute, and then we headed on our way to hang out on the yard at Morehouse.

As I stepped on campus it was like it all hit me at once. It was Spring of 2001 all over again. I was back! There was alot of hustle and bustle, but I was an island all to myself. I gathered myself and we headed to Dean Darden’s office.

I hadn’t seen the Dean since he had surgery for an Aneurysm. When I saw him it was as if nothing had changed. He was in the office shooting the breeze with one of my old classmates, Travis and one of his frat brothers. I called up my boy Jared and he was there in like 2 minutes. We talked with the Dean for a while longer, did some catching up and said hello to a few other people (Jeff T., Miss Watkins, etc.). I got some terrible news while I was there however.

Dean Blocker, who is the man responsible for almost every medical doctor and dentist that has graduated from Morehouse in the last 20 years, is in the hospital in bad condition. I’m asking that everyone who reads this give a prayer (or whatever it is that you do) for Dean Blocker. He needs our strength right now, I hope he pulls through!

The news about Dean Blocker tempered my emotions for awhile. I headed up campus and continued to see face after face that I knew (Bruce, Big Vance, the new president of the SGA Lodriguez, Troy). I saw the little brothers of my classmates and was awestruck.

Then I ran into the homie Joe from Dallas and JJ coming out of the SGA office. I was truly happy to see those guys. I had some words with Joe and he reassured me about a few things, but time will tell.

I walked into the Maroon Tiger office and it was empty. Since no one was around to talk to I took the liberty of adding to my collection of Maroon Tigers, I got three issues form the 2001-2002 school year and all 10 issues from this year. The sports section is STILL holding it down!

We walked back down the hill and I saw Mr. Patillo, the Atheletic Director and former Admissions Director, as well as a professor that I had that Che is now taking, Dr. McLoughlin. I ran into the current President of the SGA Randall. He had some dental work done on him earlier so he was short of words but it was good to see him nonetheless.

It was hard to leave the campus, but I had to. As I left I saw some beautiful women walk by and I wished for just a second that I could go back in time. The AUC is a wonderful place.

Che parted ways with us, and Nina and I headed to Shannon Mall to get a card for my mom’s co-worker Matt. Matt was a year ahead of me at Westlake and today is his birthday. I was surprised that Shannon Mall is not only STILL open, but also the new home of the Department of Motor Vehicles. So all those crazy teenagers can get thier licenses and shop in the same place!

After picking up the card we headed to the school. Matt and I talked for a second about the death of Aaron Blount. Aaron was one of Matt’s classmates. He was an extremely nice guy. He was a jokester, and he was VERY popular. He was working as a police officer for the Fulton County Police Department when someone approached his vehicle and shot him 4 times. It devestated the community. The wake was tonight and I was sad that I couldn’t go, but then again I don’t usually do well at wakes and funerals. Aaron had a fiancee and a young child, and the situation was about as bad as it gets. *deep sigh*

At any rate, I met many of my mom’s other co-workers. Apparently she does alot of bragging on me (it made me smile inside). They all seemed really nice and they really seemed to love my mom which pleased me.

My mom’s students were wild. School is so much different than when I was in elementary school. It seemed like no one was in the classrooms and kids seem to have a little more “freedom”. I don’t remember doing much outside of my little desk back then. I can see why my mom is so tired when she gets home now though. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, teachers are underpaid and underappreciated. I couldn’t do what they do day in and day out.

I headed back home and said goodbye to my dad. Jeralyn came almost immediately after we got home. We made a stop at the outlet mall where I picked up some shades and headed directly to Nashville.

As always it feels good to be back in my apartment, but I really enjoyed this ever so brief trip to Atlanta more than I usually do.

Check out the photo album, because I took lots of pictures. The movie on the last page is a big file, but it’s funny. Make sure the sound is up!

I think when people come to my house, they think of three things: damn this dude is messy, he sure drinks alot, and this guy has more movies than Blockbuster. I’ve sort of stalled out because of money problems (if you feel generous e-mail me!!!….I’m not too proud for donations!) but I was going at a good pace of about 5-7 movies a month. I own somewhere upwards of 200 DVDs.

As a result I get alot of “well I know where I can go if I need some movies” type statements. More often than not I don’t mind. I tend to remember fairly well who has what and I’m not an asshole about getting my movies back unless you take something like Goldmember or Baby Boy (something I’m prone to watching alot). I generally won’t let anyone take a movie I haven’t watched yet though.

Anyway I recently got Road to Perdition in the mail. For some reason, unknown to me, I kept putting off watching it. People would come by and want to borrow it and I’d be like “Nope, haven’t watched it yet shawty.”

Well, Sunday I got a call from Jeralyn. She needed to come to Atlanta, so of course I wanted to ride along. If anything I could be in town for Che’s birthday and wash a couple of loads of clothes for free (it’s $2 a load where I live….the facists!!!!!). In packing I decided to go ahead and put Road To Perdition in my bag.

Well somewhat ironically I ended up watching it with my dad. It’s always kind of interesting watching a movie about father/son relationships with your father. It was a well made movie though. A bit sad at times, but the message was somewhat positive in the end, at least in my opinion. I’m not into providing spoilers, but I will say that Road to Perdition is a movie well worth seeing. In a weak Academy Award field this past year I’m surprised it didn’t garner more nominations. Tom Hanks and Jude Law both deserved praise.

Anyway, I won’t be here in Atlanta for too much longer. Nina and I are meeting Che for lunch at Gutbusters, hopefully we’ll be joined by a couple of guests. I went to the new Longhorn Steaks by our house last night and met my friend Lyndsey and her sister Jamie. It was really good to see her.

I try to “run into” as many of my people as I can when I come to town. I’m in Atlanta so infrequently now. I feel like an out of towner at times now. Could it be that I’m becoming a Nashvillian?

I am sitting here wracking my brain thinking of memories for my little sister’s birthday.

April 28th, 1984…..I was already making concious memories by now….I can’t remember whether Che was born before or after the tornado that hit the daycare center me and Radiance used to attend….but I was 4 going on 5 in a month….

I was going around telling people at church that my mommy was going to have a little boy….I remember dad waking me and Nina up and taking us EARLY in the morning to Aunt Lynette’s house….

Che was a quiet and curious baby….she’s gonna kill me for sharing a few of these memories….but she used to mess around with the ashes in the fire place….she was always into something, but never making much of a stir….

She was a talker at times though….the family used to make a circle with her in the middle and marvel as she’d walk over to each of us and talk some baby talk to us….her nickname was “Bossy Talkie” because it seemed like she would be giving us some type of order as she talked to us….bossing us around….

She used to cry when my parents first got divorced and it’d be time for my dad to leave….after that episode of our lives I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen her cry….she’s a warrior…although a bit accident prone

I can remember when she fell down the stairs to the basement and broke her leg….the doctor said it was a “greenstick” fracture….I am JUST now understanding that she basically caused a break in the cartilage….Che doesn’t remember it at all….I do though….I remember her barely able to cry….she has never really been one to cry much….with a few exceptions…

She fell off the couch one day and busted her eyebrow….she didn’t make a sound….she had to get stitches that day….mom says she barely made a peep….she’s a soldier

She fell and scrapped her face at my godsister’s house one day….my dad was devestated, his baby would have a scar on her face for life….her face is FLAWLESS now….you can’t tell….she’s a healer

As she grew up, we started to see that she was gifted….more gifted than any of us could imagine….she hopped in my mom’s bed around the age of 2 or 3 and just started to read to her….she was doing crossword puzzles and cryptology at the age of 5 or 6….she would compete with my grandmother in Wheel of Fortune….she’s a prodigy

When she got to high school she continued to blow us away….she skipped the 8th grade….she didn’t miss a beat in high school….making friends and busting out the classes….she grew into a wonderful personality (as much as I clown her about being Forrest Grump she’s usually VERY cheerful)….by the time she got her perfect score on the Math section of the SAT we knew she was more than something special

But more than anything else she’s my little sister….we get into it sometimes….I know what buttons to push with her to tick her off….I get under her skin sometimes….but she and Nina are my world….

Happy Birthday Baby Beautiful Young Woman Che!

Well if anyone has been paying attention to this site today they’ll notice that I’ve changed this entry TWICE now….

This is the last time….I guess I’m easily moved….JC is like the one angel on my right shoulder telling me “that guy” NEEDS to see this….Beth is on my left shoulder telling me that it’s right, but NOW isn’t the right time….

It’s really hard when you care about someone to tell them the truth and risk the consequences….my heart hurts….it really does….

And for the last time I’ve removed it….this is a problem that he needs to face….making it public is not going to help the situation….

You know I’m guilty of not giving albums a fair shot at times. I’ll listen once and pass judgement. But every now and again I’ll read something somewhere or talk to a friend and I’ll give it another shot.

Such is the case with Common’s Electric Circus. Granted I considered it one of the top albums released last year, but I ran across an article about one of the tracks that encouraged me to give it another listen. I’m glad I did.

I never would have known that the first verse of “Soul Power” was a diss to Mos Def, challenging his realness, saying he was trying to out act Don Cheadle. I also wouldn’t have known that the second verse tells of his desire to listen to silence than a certain little man’s holla’s and how the same little man borrowed his style from a dude who made Dear Mama. I wonder why Ja hasn’t tried to come at Common. He probably slept on it too.

I missed great lines like, “In this business of pimps, many hoes get signed” in “Aquarius”. And lines like, “I know pain, like Kurt Cobain, or A.I. playin hurt the whole game” in “Electric Wire Hustler Flower”.

“Come Close” grew on me. And I always loved “New Wave”, and now I know what the chorus is saying (part is in French). “Star *69″ is about phone sex, never paid enough attention to know that. I liked “I Got A Right Ta” from jump street.

“Between, Me, You, and Liberation” was one I REALLY slept on. From the first verse about the damage a torn childhood can do to a teenage/adult female, to the second verse about losing his aunt to cancer, to the third verse about coming to grips with having a gay friend, it was probably the most powerful song on the CD. Perhaps it was an unusually subtle contribution from Cee-lo (who usually makes his presence KNOWN) that cause me to sleep on that track.

“I Am Music”, “Jimi Was A Rock Star”, and “Heaven Somewhere” all were tracks I pretty much appreciated fully anyway, they were already in heavy rotation. But I like them that much more now that I’ve given the album the justice it deserves.

Maybe I should give Amil’s album another listen and see if I can squeeze some water out of that stone. Okay, that might be going too far. But I’ll know the next time Common releases an album to not be caught slipping!

Well, last night I was well on the way to beating OJ’s record for the longest blogger entry in the world….when the devil Geoff came a calling and my computer melted down….when all was said and done I would have had about 10 printed pages full of the kind of sarcasm only comic book nerds and English teachers can come up with about my 10 favorite T.V. episodes….I guess it’ll have to wait for another day….probably a Saturday or Sunday when it’ll NEVER be read…..this is really a labor of love I tell ya!

Anyway I went to Chili’s last night and had way too many scotch and tonics and Fajita Quesadillas….I think I surprise bartenders when I say, “Dewars and Tonic” or “scotch on the rocks please”….like only 53 year old white men with handlebar moustaches and a monocle can order scotch or something….it kind of erks me….I was also watching hockey on the sly….my team this year (the Toronto Maple Leafs) got beaten by the evil Philadelphia Goons Flyers, so I don’t really care who wins the cup this year, but hockey is still fun to watch….

The NBA playoffs were fun to watch also….both the games that I caught last night came down to the last shot, which is always a good thing….it looks like the Lakers are in a world of trouble (heh heh heh)….

Anyway on to the Friday Five….brought to you today by Sierra Mist and Scarlett’s World (I’d provide a link….but those that WANT to go there already know how to get there…and if you don’t know, you don’t need to go)….

1. What was the last TV show you watched? Sporting events don’t count….so it was Michael Jackson’s Home Videos which has America’s Home Videos beat for funniness….MJ is too honest and frank for his own good sometimes man!….He officially murdered me when he was describing one of his rides at the ranch saying, “This ride is called either The Spider or The Puke Bucket.”….that didn’t top “Ho, ho, ho, Green Giant”, but it came pretty damned close….

2. What was the last thing you complained about and what was the problem? The last thing I complained about was my contact lenses….my right eye is possessed by that evil dude, the Native American, and that scary short lady from Poltergeist so it was really red (still is even though I’m wearing my nerd goggles glasses right now)….

3. Who was the last person you complimented and what did you say? That would be Erika from Detroit last night….I told her her hair looked nice (and it did)….

4. What was the last thing you threw away? The last thing I threw away were the contact lenses that I had in my eyes for the past month….they are a blessing and a curse….*sigh*

5. What was the last website (besides this one) that you visited? I read Vina’s latest post at www.girlwithglasses.net….and I’m up way too early….back to bed with me!

First things first, I got another link. My favorite lady (with apologies to Tasha and Nexy) over at the rokkstar forums, Vina has FINALLY finished her site. Check her out.

Okay so today I had another of my discussions with Andrea and Jamila about relationships and what not. I love talking with them about stuff like that because they tend to challenge my chauvanistic views on things.

More importantly, between today’s discussion and the wedding I attended on Saturday I’ve reached a sort of crossroads on my feelings regarding marriage. I decided awhile ago that I’d never get married. I concluded that the way marriage is treated nowadays (Married By America, drive-thru weddings in Vegas, Divorce Court) it just didn’t hold the same value. The sanctity just isn’t there anymore. Marriage is just something to do.

And then there is the matter of dealing with the manchild that is the Killa. I mean I refer to myself in the third person. I have the energy and demeanor of an 8 year old at times. I tire of the women in my life for no good reason.

I think I’d make an excellent father. I want to be able to enjoy the highlights of my children’s lives though. I want to live to see grandchildren and maybe even great-grandchildren. I want to tell them stories like the ones my dad told me. I want them to want to come over my house on Wednesday’s for boiled crabs like we used to meet at Granddaddy’s house.

Right now I enjoy my solitude though, to be frank. I like not having to “answer to” anyone. I like being able to do what I want to do, and it scares me. I don’t want to look at marriage in that light. I don’t want to feel like I have to “answer to” my wife.

Women always tell me, you’ll meet someone who’ll change your mind. I just don’t know right now. It doesn’t seem likely. I’m just not very open to it right now.

And I’m not Richie “The Baumer” Tenenbaum either….but for the first time in about 2 years now, the Killa was on the tennis court….

Yep….I played two games, skunking Jamizzle (3-0) and then losing to Andrea (6-4)….but I let Drea win *wink*….

Now I’m paying th consequences….I am SORE like you wouldn’t believe….all that beer from the past week is coming back to haunt me in a major way….but that’s okay….I probably need to be out on the tennis court every day…get my lazy keister back into shape!

At any rate I don’t have much new to add….well actually I do, but I’m too tired plus I just got some EXTREMELY disappointing news from my homie Corey….so I’m kinda down….

I could actually use a hug!

Is there really any such thing as “too much kicking it?”….after this past weekend (starting Wednesday night actually) that question has been taken to it’s natural limits I believe.

I already did a half assed job of adding the Luau to the memoirs….well this weekend I boldly went where only Elvis fans and BBQ lovers dare to go….Memphis, TN….

Geoff and Dave’s line brother Brandon got hitched so we rolled down Friday afternoon….we bought a 12 pack for the road (Dave doesn’t drink so he’s our designated driver for all of my worry-wart readers)….the ride to Memphis is not very scenic, but it’s not very long either so it was straight….

We got to Memphis and headed to the church where the wedding rehersal was being held….then we headed to the hotel where a few of the “15″ were staying….Houston Dave aka “Piss the Dog” of “Houston Trip” fame was among those there….we decided to roll out and get some drinks….

We hit a gas station and got another 12 pack (24) of Heinikens and sat in the parking lot a wing place before being asked to leave….then we headed to Romano’s Macaroni Grill where the rehersal dinner was being held….I continued my pasta addiction by eating most of my Lasagna….

The next 8 hours or so were spent at the bachelor party….all I can say about that will be given in numerical form….1 person threw up…..18 more Heinekens (42) were purchased….2 bottles of Hypnotic, 1 bottle of Grey Goose, and 1 bottle of Hennesy were consumed…..everything else falls under the STRICT male policy of “What happens at the bachelor party stays at the bachelor party”….

I rolled out to Jonathan’s house and was lucky enough to get a bed to sleep on….I hadn’t come in expecting that…..(good lucking out J-Dubb on the bed!!)….

I woke up and had some GREAT BBQ that J-Dubb’s mom had cooked for he and his brothers (he says it’s rare that they are all together in the house anymore)….then we headed back to meet up with the other guys….we passed through Geoff’s grandmother’s house (she was really nice….and she was watching the B-Ball games!) then stopped at Popeyes where I picked up some “Cajun Sparkle” for my mom, since for some odd reason they don’t distribute it in Atlanta anymore….

Then we headed to the wedding….we got there in the nick of time….the ceremony was BEAUTIFUL….although some of the singing was….ummmm…well yeah….anyway it was really nice though!

The reception had an open bar which meant LOTS of Johnny Walker Black and Tonic for me…..I killed my camera battery taking pictures….the food was also good….all in all the wedding gets an A+ from the Killa….me and Geoff talked about how the vibe was really good for the wedding like everyone was in good spirits and it was just a really happy occassion….it made me reconsider my vow to never get married….for a second….

After a while (and a spilled drink, my drink but for ONCE I didn’t spill it) we headed back on the road back to Nash-vegas after getting another 12 pack of Heinekens (54)….Piss the Dog accompanied us back….we headed straight to the culminating event for Alpha Week….the Alpha Ball….it was cool….although we were all WAAAAAAAAY too drunk….two bottles of Champagne were consumed….and I got home via the beer scoooter….somehow I’m sober enough to type this though….

So can a dude kick it too much?….I don’t know, because tomorrow I’ll be kicking it AGAIN!….I just can’t stop it….

*added on Sunday afternoon after sobering up*
I can’t believe i forgot to mention two of the musical highlights (or lowlights depending on who you ask of the trip)….first there needs to be some rule about playing Floetry’s “Say Yes” on the radio before 9 PM….I’ll be the first to admit it’s a CLASSIC baby making song….but DAMN I heard that song 99 times while in Memphis….

Also Memphis seems to be Hitman Sammy Sam territory….they played the imfamous “Stepdaddy” on the radio there….if you haven’t heard “Stepdaddy” yet, you need to find a way to get it….it’s worth it!!….I’m glad Dan told me about it when he did….