I love how I can torture people by hinting at something….curiosity is great, it’s one of the more underrated symptoms of the human condition….you hype yourself up over and over and over again in a positive feedback cycle until you are ripe with anticipation and expectation only to find out that the “big surprise” isn’t really all that big a deal after all….or *gasp* doesn’t even happen….

Anyway….I want the “big surprise” (if it comes to reality) to be JUST THAT….a big surprise….for my mom, for ya’ll, for everyone except the people who already know because they were in the right place at the right time….I should never have made mention of it to be honest….but hey like I said, I guess in some perverse way I enjoy toying with emotions….(and people call me nice…if only they knew)

Yesterday I tested my endurance….no I didn’t run around the block or drink all night….I went to Regal 27 and caught the INFAMOUS and RARELY DONE 4 for 1 movie special….

With no snack breaks, pit stops, restroom visits, or extended waiting periods I caught Charlies Angels 2: Full Throttle, 28 Days Later, 2 Fast 2 Furious, and The Hulk…..

I was in the minority as far as critiques on the films….I felt that 28 Days Later was the best movie of the four I caught (we were in agreement on that one), followed by 2 Fast 2 Furious, The Hulk, and the ridiculous Charlies Angels 2….

The Hulk wasn’t as bad as I’d heard but it wasn’t as good as I’d expected either….they spent waaay too much time on build-up and ended up being very redundant instead of developing characters….they could have taken about 25 minutes out of the movie….the “comic strip” style of editing will annoy some people….but overall I thought the story was decent….

2 Fast 2 Furious had some great lines from Jod….I mean Tyrese….some good Miami eye candy in a few scenes and GREAT car chases….it was a solid effort….I was entertained and I didn’t feel compelled to throw popcorn at the screen (except the first time Paul Walker said “Cuzz”…that wasn’t right)….

Charlies Angels 2 was GARBAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!….Terrible….Cameron Diaz is getting old and isn’t as cute as she thinks she is….I kept hoping she’d catch a bullet to the eyebrow….Drew Barrymore needs to make Wedding Singer part 2 or E.T. 2….I resisted several urges to call her Gertie….Lucy Lui is wasting her talents and time here….but hey if this gets her a step closer to making Skinamax movies I’m all for it….I was more interested in the cameos (John Cleese, Friends Buddy, Luke Wilson, the girls dancing in that one scene) than the movie….Bernie Mac assured himself an NAACP Image award for Best Pandering Coon Role in a Chick Flick….BLAH!!!

28 Days Later was the gem of the day….I didn’t know much about it going in (which I’m convinced is what seperates the good movies from the great movies….SAVE the hype for AFTER the fact)….it made me jump a couple of times and had me hooked from the start….I didn’t appreciate the gratuitous male nudity but I guess that’s how they do it over in England….the plot took a few good twists and turns that I didn’t quite see coming and the characters were fairly interesting….

Well….time to bring happiness to the lives of the people around here (heh)….

Yesterday was interesting….enough so that I didn’t really have time to sit here and type an entry….

I wrote a test for the pre-bac students….*sigh*….I’m strongly considering hanging up my dry erase marker and not ever teaching again….I took their poor results personally….I really thought I was giving them a pretty easy test….hell the last problem was 7 X 7….dah!….

Anyway….I headed out to a couple of rarely visited malls after giving my test….first stop was Opry Mills….for those unfamiliar with Nashville, Opry Mills is on the site of the former Opryland Theme Park….it’s a glorified strip mall….it has two noteworthy stores in my opinion….the Banana Republic Outlet and the Guess Store….while there I stopped by Sbarro to get my yearly slice of sausage pizza….the little girl behind the register was spitting some PG -13 game at me telling me how she liked my shirt and what not….she was probably pushing 16 or 17 but I thought it was cute….I was mad she didn’t hook me up though….

Anyway after leaving Opry Mills we went to Rivergate Mall….I had NO idea that Rivergate was the spot for shoes….hopefully I’ll be getting paid on Friday and then I can go pick up some all white hi-top Huaraches and some white and silver Air Maxs….Rivergate is the place to get your shoe game RIGHT!

Somehow during the journey through Rivergate Geoff remembered that niggas wanted to get those “water ball” water guns that shoot big globs of water at people….just imagine the havoc and mischief I could cause with one of those!!!!?!?!?….wooooo…sorry got sidetracked….anyway we went into K-B Toy Store and asked about them, but they were sold out….I was kinda glad actually….there were so many crying kids in there….I think parents just send them into K-B to let em cry and stuff….it sucks!….it’s almost as bad as the loud ass music in Abercrombie

Well of course at this point niggas are on a mission to get that gun….we stopped at Toys R Us (which is always empty now that I’m grown….when I was a kid I always remember it being packed full of toy-crazed kids)….we asked some Manager looking dude if they had the gun and he looked at us like we were fresh out of the crackhouse….needless to say this mission is still ongoing….

But then we headed to Circuit City because I wanted to pick up Spike Lee’s MASTERFUL The 25th Hour (which is on pause in the bedroom as I type this)….and folks that is where I realized what my new long term goal is….I NEED a big screen, flat panel, HDTV….yes I NEED it….

There was some type of soccer game on all of them and I swear on Jesus Patterson that it looked like there were little guys trapped inside of the screen….I wanted to break the screen and let them out!….the picture quality was AMAZING….so as if I needed incentive to finish this med school thing and start making money, now I have even MORE….I WILL own one of those….

After my long term plan for life was altered we went to Publix (YES!!!…NASHVILLE FINALLY HAS PUBLIX!) for some beer and headed to Geoff’s crib….I played some “Enter the Matrix” while he was changing clothes….it’s a pretty cool game….then we headed to my crib so I could change and go to the party at the Kappa House….

The party was pretty straight….the usual thing…nothing TOO much out of the ordinary…although I did witness some retina staining events that I won’t recount….I went to Cafe Coco (open 24 hours….woooo hoooo!!) and then called it a night…I was VERY tired….

Now I think I’m going to watch my movie…

I knew yesterday would be a good day….

I did what I had to to with my white coat (by the way, what part of surprise don’t people understand?….I’ll give you a hint, you won’t find out anything until around September)….it wasn’t what I expected, and it might not come through at all as a matter of fact….but if it does!!!…wooooooooo….

Anyway maybe it was the fact that I had on my bow tie (and was looking very sharp if I do say so myself)….but I was in rare form…..by now I’m used to the “Can I get a bean pie/Final Call?” cracks when I wear a bow tie….**NEWSFLASH** you don’t have to be a Muslim or a psuedo-philosopher to wear a bow-tie…..but I take it in stride now, I don’t get offended….I take pride in knowing how to tie and properly wear a bow tie….and I don’t care if I’m the only guy under the age of 60 who does so….

But yeah, back to the topic….I was in rare form quoting movie lines yesterday….I realized that I have a deadly combination of too much free time, too many movies, and too good a memory….I can quote several sections of Baby Boy complete with the “dramatic flair” that the actors brought verbatim….and I realized, “Hey….if I wanted to I could be an actor!”

Well we all know how I like to make lists, and I haven’t done so in a while….so here are the Killa Cal’s 10 favorite movie scenes in no particular order….
***WARNING*** May contain spoilers….skip down to the Friday Five if that bothers you!

10) The Color Purple - The Dinner Scene towards the end of the movie when Celie finds out that Mister has been hiding her letters from Nettie and confronts him about it. Mister and his father try their best to cut Celie down (Mister: “You too ugly and useless to get a job….who gonna hire you? The railroad?” Mister’s Father: “Heh heh, maybe she can get a job sweeping out the caboose!”)….but Celie tells it like it is to Mister….

9)Boyz In The Hood - There are alot of worthwhile exchanges in this movie….but for my money my favorite scene (beating out Tre’s fight with the air, the “Me and You” scene, and the dinner scene between Larry Fishburne and Angela Bassett) is when Tre is young and he is teaching the class about Africa and his little “friend” says “I ain’t from Africa, I’m from Crenshaw Mafia. You from Africa you old African Booty Scratcher!”
Menace II Society - The opening scene in the movie where Sam Jackson kills the disrespectful guy across the card table from him for owing him money and then telling him, “I’ll pay your monkey ass when I get ready to” instantly hooked me….and then when his buddy said, “Tat-tat-tat what the “eff” man!?” the deal was sealed….classic material….

7)Coming To America - The whole movie is CLASSIC….and deserves it’s own entry…however, I have the whole “Randy Watson” scene down cold….from the introduction to the faces he makes….to the very notes that he sings….if I had to do a screentest for a movie, that’s the scene I would use….

6)Friday - The scene where Red goes and gets his bike is tied with Bernie Mac’s scene(s) and those are tied with Smokey taking a dump which is tied with Smokey climbing through Felicia’s window to get the money out of Deebo’s pants….hell the whole movie is one classic scene after another….

5)Next Friday - To a lot of people’s surprise I like Next Friday a little more than the first one. Mike Epps is a comic genius to me, plus I know a few people who act JUST like him. The scene at Pinkie’s is the one that sold me on Next Friday though….when he’s talking about the time Craig doo dooed at church!….I can’t stop laughing when I see that…..

4)Pulp Fiction - Overall a great movie….but the initial exchange between Vincent Vega and Jules Winfield (about the Royale with Cheese and Tony “Rocky Horror” Roccamora getting thrown through a window for giving Mia Wallace a foot massage) along with the story of Butch’s father’s watch are the best scenes to me…..

3)Goodfellas - The whole “Billy Batts” saga was CLASSIC cinematics….from “Go get your shine box!!” to the made up story about a deer’s “foot” (where De Niro seems disgusted that Joe Pesci doesn’t know it’s really called a hoof) to the mother’s painting to the fact that they had to eventually dig him up….all classic….

2)Jungle Fever - Every single scene with Samuel L. Jackson was PRICELESS!!!….but the scene with him and Halle Berry meeting Wesley Snipes and Spike Lee at the park was the greatest….Sam/Gator: “I don’t want to have to resort to knocking old people in the head for their money, but I’LL DO IT!!!…YOU KNOW I’LL DO IT!!!….cuz I’m a cr-cr-cr-cr-crackhead *dances*….*sings* I like getting high! wooooo…cuz I’m a cr-cr-cr-cr-cr-crackhead *spins*”

and of course you know what number one is!!!

1)Baby Boy - Critics be damned….I LOVE that movie….and the scene where Rodney makes a collect call to Yvette is PRICELESS….I will run it into the ground….I don’t care!….I love it….Jody: “You telling this man all my personal business?….you got him talking about, ‘yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah….you still live at home with your moms!!!!’…I don’t wanna hear that!”

Anyway…on to the Friday Five….

1. How are you planning to spend the summer? I’m teaching math to a great group of college students (for the most part) here at Meharry in the Health Careers Oppurtunity Program’s Pre-Baccalaureate division.

2. What was your first summer job? My official title was “dishwasher” at Camp Truit-Fulton 4-H Camp in Atlanta within walking distance of my house. What I REALLY did was rake/blow leaves, sweep and mop all of the facilities, load heavy ass coolers full of grape koolaid which stained my clothes, empty “rat traps” with squirrels stuck to them and squealing, and pressure wash pool decks.

3. If you could go anywhere this summer, where would you go? I would go to Brazil like every other man dreams of doing….I was talking with someone the other day about the fact that Black men like myself are like 20 years late on the whole Brazil thing….

4. What was your worst vacation ever? Well my worst vacation was still fun….I went to Panama City Beach with my mom, two sisters, my godmother, and her two daughters….I was a terrible guy back then and I made the vacation a living hell for all of them with my attitude….

5. What was your best vacation ever? My best vacation ever is probably my trip to Orlando (when my mom got tricked into the time share thing)….besides having to deal with that girl with the annoying voice I had alot of fun….Universal Studios is the greatest!

The Friday Five wasn’t so bad this time….

Before I begin this morning’s entry I have to say that my sister Che has impressed me yet again….her latest entry really touched me….check it out….

This morning I am ironing pressing my White Coat….I’ll tell you why at another point….I’d rather it be a surprise, but it’s a big one!…anyway, I began thinking of what an honor it is to be able to don that White Coat….

That piece of white fabric cut and tailored with those pockets and with the insignia of my school on one side and my name in script on the other speaks volumes….

The first time I put it on it didn’t hit me fully….it was in the midst of a ceremony….and frankily my mind was in other places….but when I had to wear it for the first time to class it really dawned on me….people’s lives are in my hands from this point forward….I’ll be looked upon for advice, counsel, and care….the clergy and police officers are also among the select few that have such daunting tasks….

I can wear dress slacks, the finest shoes, the most well made hand-crafted tie in the world, and the finest tailored shirt on the market….I can drape the most precise Stethescope around my neck and have the most efficient tuning fork in my pocket….but I’ll still be Killa Cal…..but once that White Coat is on there is a feeling like no other….only that garment can make me feel like a real professional….

Today I will have a swagger in my walk….I will have the confidence of a professional….all because of my White Coat….

In a development that is sure to please my mom and my two sisters, I was finally cojoled (having someone cook some BOMB ASS Enchiladas will make you consider doing almost anything they ask) into watching America’s Next Top Model….while I don’t see what the big deal is, I will say that there were some ummm….exciting moments….

Robin is overbearing and hyper-religious….but somehow her character flaws were balanced by Elyse (Che your description of her was fairly accurate she does remind me of HER in her all knowing outspokeness!!)….I was really hoping that she’d be voted off….but that Janice Dickinson person really like her it seems….

I was almost considering watching subsequent episodes, but then they went and did it….they voted off Kesse….

I have to admit, when I first saw Kesse I wasn’t impressed….I called her “Poor Man’s/Low Budget Tyra” several times….but then I saw her in that Miami Dolphin’s get-up…..then what sealed the deal was her ligerie shoot with “Bible Buddy”….

Fortunately for me I saw the end coming….I remarked to Geoff and Drea that she was getting “too much face time” in that particular episode….in any reality series where people get voted off it’s never a good sign when a character who normally doesn’t get alot of camera time to all of a sudden become the focus….9 times out of 10 they are getting eliminated….

Anyway, by eliminating Kesse they eliminated me as a viewer….I can see why Geoff, Drea, Nina, Che, and Mom’s like it though….but give me P. Diddy making people get cheesecake or anything involving Coral or Arissa….

In other news….I have my very first stalker (well actually I have an AIM stalker as well, but she doesn’t count)….let’s give her a collective “golf clap”….look here woman….please stop your attempts at getting my attention by talking bad to/about me, that’s so 1st grade!….stop looking for postings of my conversations on the internet….stop criticizing my views on women….I already know I’m a chauvanist!….stop leaving childish remarks on my photo gallery, I delete them as soon as I see them….don’t come by here no more!!!

I’ve been releasing alot of venom lately….I think it has something to do with the movie I bought/had a viewing of yesterday….”Punch-Drunk Love” starring Adam Sandler and Emily Watson, directed by Paul T. Anderson (of Boogie Nights and Magnolia fame)….the second time around it was even funnier, still as weird, and still as endearing….it’s a tale of strange love….the kind of love and aggression that I have….I could relate to Adam’s character Barry in more ways than I probably wanted to….growing up with too many sisters can EFF you up!

Time to make moves….

Today was an interesting day….a couple of blog worthy things happened as it were….so why am I hung up on something that happened at lunch….

Argh….so I know that MANY people from Meharry read my stuff, and she’ll probably find out almost as soon as this is published, but I gotta get this off of my chest….

What is the deal with people who have to know EVERYTHING about EVERYBODY? I mean really, what’s the deal? Is your life that pathetically boring? Why you gotta be all up in everyone else’s Kool-Aid?

Asking questions like, what does this person do at Meharry? When did they get hired? What is their purpose? Trying to figure out where the “dead weight” is.

And it doesn’t stop there (oh yeah…everyone knows how nosey you are!)….wanting to know who’s fucking who….speculating on who got what grade on what exam…..damn can people have any business to themselves? Why make it your personal mission in life to know everything about everyone. You are in the wrong field homie. The National Enquirer or the New York Post could use your “expertise”.

And then gonna turn around and have the nerve to tell me, “I already know all about you”….BEYOTCH WHAT THE FUCK do you know about me? Nothing I’ve told you, that’s for goddamn sho. Why is anything I do of concern to you? Do I talk about you and who you annoy (fucking nuisance) and what you eat?

What I eat don’t make you shit, you get that little analogy??? I’ll break it down for you. What I do doesn’t have any effect on your miserable little life so don’t waste your time doing research on me. Whatever little dirt you dig up on me has already been recounted several times.

No one likes a busybody (or a stalker for that matter). Get a fucking life and stay outta other people’s….

***************/end furious wrath-filled rant***************
*sigh* That feels good….

Anyway, me and Andrea played some tennis again today….the results of the game don’t matter….it’s what happened AFTERWARD that was noteworthy….

Drea and I were watching some of the other games that were being played when a small little spanish speaking foreign guy comes up to me with a camera….my initial reaction is “What the hell?”….and he mumbles something about taking a picture….

At first I thought he wanted to take my picture (I guess he thought I was P. Diddy….hahahaHELL)….it took about 2 minutes before I figured out that he wanted me to take HIS picture…..the whole time Andrea is like, “No Calvin….don’t go near his car”….she thought he was gonna try and kidnap me or something I think….

So anyway he and his wife/girlfriend/sister (I couldn’t figure it out….they weren’t hugged up or anything) start to pose in front of the car and I snap the picture on his weird little camera with the view find on the top….and I start to hand him his camera back and he’s like “Mas, mas”….I had to think for a second, he wanted me to take more….so I’m like, “One more?” and he’s like “Five more”….I started to hand him his camera anyway….but I was like let me take this little dude’s picture….

Something like that could only happen to me! I swear….

Yesterday was a monumental day….okay….maybe not THAT big….but I accomplished alot with some great help….

Andrea is the greatest ever….period….she is my favorite person on the whole planet right now….right up there with the Che-buddy!!….Andrea helped me SO much, in EVERY room….she even helped me to clean the BATHROOM….

Geoff came through at the end with a huge assist on my excess clothing in my bedroom….he convinced me that I should throw some things away, and my pack rat ass went along….that was a HUGE step for me….I almost cried when I threw away my old Maxims, Stuffs, and FHMs….but they had to go….he also suggested I give some of my clothes to the homeless…..couldn’t do that homie!!!….One step at a time….

Speaking of our homeless friends….yesterday while between the beer store and the other stuff store I had a “Damn I wish I had my camera” moment….we saw a homeless man laid out on the curb….he may have been passed out from too much beer….but he also may have been no longer living….if in fact he was dead his position made it seem as if he went out doing the thing that made him the happiest….when we saw him Geoff and I both did a double take….like, “Was that a human being laid on the concrete like it was a California King Sized Bed???”…..I hope buddy is aight…..

Anyway….the fight last night was a sham!!!!….I spent most of the fight yelling at the T.V. as Klitchko PUMMELED Lewis’s weak ass….I didn’t expect Klitchko to put up as good a fight as he did….if they hadn’t stopped the fight he would be the Champion right now!….he obviously beat the sense out of Lennox Lewis because in his post fight comments he seemed to have been talking about the Tyson fight or something…..claiming that he had just reached his second wind and making all sorts of annoying “Shut the eff up” comments….

My highlight (besides seeing Lewis’s face when he was getting tagged) was Klitchko’s post fight comments though!!!….I must admit, English is a tough language and it took some balls for him to speak it during his post fight comments….however….it was some of the funniest shit EVER!!!….This man made me break out into convulsions laughing….but he took the cake when he uttered my new motto!….”I cannot be lose!!!!”…..that took the cake there!!

Woooooooooo….anyway, I made my captive audience watch my favorite scenes in Baby Boy….that is always fun!….”Yea, yea, yea, yea, yea, you still stay at home with your mom!!!”….PRICELESS….

How long will my apartment remain in “a person can enter and walk freely in ANY room” mode?….I put the over/under at 6 days….but it’ll be nice while it lasts….

Okay….I thought last weekend’s events were isolated….but it’s official after last night….I’m an old geezer….I need to hang up my “Kicking it hard” jersey….

Yesterday to celebrate the fact that I got paid I went and got some Heinekens and got a haircut….then I went out to eat with Andrea and Katrina (her friend who is in post bac/staying with her right now)….I was all prepared in my mind to go back out and kick it some more, but my body said, “Nah nigga….you ain’t going NOWHERE”….

Before I knew it I had taken off my clothes (I know I know…bad visual images!!) and gotten in the bed….I heard my cell phone ring once….and Andrea claims to have called me….I’m not so sure!….All I know was I saw an episode of the Cosby Show and a whole lot of my eyelids!

Now I have to transform into Ethan Hunt mode because I have Mission Impossible….make my entire apartment suitable to host people to see the Lennox Lewis-Vitaly Klitchko fight tonight….I have Geoff playing the Ving Rhames role and Drea playing the Thandie Newton role assisting me….

This message will self destruct in 5 seconds…..

Ahhhhhhhh…the joys of poverty!!!

I woke up this morning and my phone was TURNED OFF….which means that my DSL was ALSO turned off….which means that I’m typing this from the wonderful computer lab here at dear old Meharry….

I get paid Friday and it couldn’t come at a better time….

Yesterday while under the influence of a VERY gangster Margarita I was convinced to have a fight party at my house on Saturday….my house hasn’t been clean since this time LAST year….it’s going to take 3 hail mary’s and 1 minor miracle to get my room in ANY condition to turn it into the “Boom Boom Room” of last year….

Well this two shall pass….

MAN AM I EVER FRUSTRATED….I woke up at 7 AM with full intentions on getting my Western Omelette!!!….but my right eye (which is officially renamed Son of Satan) was a tad bit irritated and red….so I said, hey what the hell….I’ll take my contact out for a minute….let it soak and put it back in….

What followed was 2 hours of wrestling with my eyeball….during the battle I dropped the lense on the floor in the bathroom at which point i had to squat down….cover my right eye and feel around for the little piece of crap!….Then when I found it I had to clean it extra thoroughly….only to continue to wrestle with it….

It would go in and fold up at the bottom…then it would go in and invert….then I would flip it inside out and it’d fold at the bottom again…

All because I was playing Tennis yesterday by a freshly mowed lawn!!!

Argh….anyway….yesterday I averted disaster….Nashville Electric Service wanted to interrupt my service for lack of payment (the FACISTS!!!)….I called them and told them that I should be getting paid on Friday…that calmed them right on down!!…..Now if only that would work for Bellsouth’s weak ass!!

The forums at kthxbi are back!!!! I feel like Steve Martin in The Jerk…I’m still gonna be a regular at Rokkstar though!!!….it’s funny because it’s the same people, but there are two different vibes….

Lately I’ve been playing a Win, Lose, or Draw/Pictionary type game over at isketch.net it’s super addictive….nothing will beat the first night though….this one perv ass dude named Q-Bert came in there drawing all sorts of perverted drawings….I won’t go into details because sometimes mom and dad find their way here….but here is a screencap I made of a perverted picture of ET before he added “Blow Me Elliot” and a face with an open mouth….look at your own risk…..

Anyway….I gotta show my mug over at the school for a while….I’ll holla!