I remember when I first viewed the 80’s classic, The Karate Kid. It was at a birthday sleepover for my boy Eulus. Other movies viewed that night were Conan The Barbarian and one of the Rocky movies I believe. For some reason The Karate Kid was the one that stuck out in my head. At first I thought it was because of great lines like, “Wax on, Wax off….Breathe in through nose, out through mouth”, “Sweep the leg”, and “Get em a body bag Johnny yeah!!!”, all of which are to this day perfectly acceptable to blurt out whenever. Or maybe the oscar calibre performances by William Zabka, Martin Kove, and the career defining Pat “Arnold from Happy Days” Morita. That is until the other night when I was watching it again and had a moment of clarity.

I present for your approval, the Karate Kid-child abuse/neglect/illegal labor angle!

Consider this….Daniel-san’s mother movies him across country in the middle of the night against his will. He was a normal New Jersey kid hanging with the likes of Ponyboy in the Outsiders. Then BOOM he’s thrust into a world of surfer boys who play soccer and also happen to be karate masters learning under the most ruthless sensai this side of Pai Mei.

As any Jersey boy worth his salt would, he falls for the beautiful and compassionate, but filthy rich California Blonde (played to perfection by Elizabeth Shue), slightly above his social strata. Jersey boys try their best! Anyway this serves to raise the ire of the surfer nazi karate students who proceded to beat his ass, throw him down a hill, and fuck his bike up.

This is when Mr. Miyagi begins his plan. He notices Daniel-san attempting poorly to teach himself Karate from self-help books and says to himself, “My day has arrived.” We don’t learn until Part 2 that he was merely perpetuating the cycle started by his father in Okinawa that ruined the psyche of his friend Sato who grew up to chop wood blocks while saying “Your fear make air stink….HEEYEAH!” It was Mr. Miyagi’s destiny to exploit Daniel-san and at the same time make him All-Valley Karate champ.

Witness Mr. Miyagi starting benignly by fixing Daniel’s bicycle. He’s there for Daniel everytime the Surf Nazi Karate Students beat his ass for moral support. He even appears out of nowhere after Daniel-san inexplicably provokes the leader of the SNKS’s, Johnny (the aforementioned Zabka in the height of his movie glory!), kicking ass and taking names in a fury that would make Roddy “I came to chew gum and kick ass, and I’m all out of gum” Piper proud, even if said ass kicking is of minors. He even takes him to attempt to join Cobra Kai, knowing all along he had bigger plans for Daniel-san.

Daniel-san was JUST where he wanted him. He takes him to his house where the true abuse begins. Daniel-san is amazed when he sees the number of cars Mr. Miyagi has amassed (where did he get all those cars? Detroit, of course!). His amazement is soon changed to trepidation when he learns that his first lesson in child labor karate is to wax every single car there! And not just ANY kind of waxxing. No! Waxxing the Mr. Miyagi way….wax on, wax off….breathe in through nose…breathe out through mouth. All night Daniel-san toils. Karate lesson today? No. Continued ass beatings at the hands of the SNKS’s? Yes.

After the first lesson, Mr. Miyagi constructs a truce between Daniel and the SNKS’s….but not before Daniel-san is trapped for good. Mr. Miyagi has Daniel-san sand the floor for his entire deck to his house, no ordinary deck mind you! Of course it’s done on his hands and knees, not with an industrial power sander, but with handheld 18th century sanders. Who still has those? A man intent on utilizing child labor in ways not seen since Oliver Twist, I propose! He even taunts Daniel-san at one point, going out on the town with a horrendous Hawaiian shirt while he slaves away.

Of course Daniel-san does use his new fond character to endure a date with his rich girlfriend, chaperoned of course by his mother and her broken down jalopy of a vehicle (never once is it explored how this substandard vehicle made it from New Jersey to Reseda…but I digress). Rich girl’s parents don’t approve of Daniel-san, and why should they? What parents would want their daughter dating a child-laborer with a track record of provocation of ruthless Karate pawns of evil? I wouldn’t.

Anyway, Daniel-san continues his back breaking child-labor at the hands of Mr. Miyagi. He paints both sides of a endless picket fence, being forced to use wrist snapping up and down strokes. That Mr. Miyagi is a stickler for the perfect coat of paint. Then he has to paint his house in a shade of green that can only be described as the perfect mix between bile and vomick, this time using side to side wrist strokes.

After a while Daniel-san becomes hip to the game. He sees Mr. Miyagi for the Kathie Lee Gifford-like sweatshop boss that he is! He calls him on it, but AHA! Turns out that this child labor was indeed a roundabout method of teaching Karate! He illustrates this point by yelling out the different tasks he had made Daniel-san perform while ATTACKING HIM WITH RECKLESS ABANDON! “Sand the floor!!! HIIIIIIIYAH!!!” To his amazement Daniel-san’s child labor skills are also blocking techniques! There is no denying the diabolical genius of Mr. Miyagi at this point!

Does this end his torment and abuse of Daniel-san? Of course not! By this point Daniel-san is enthralled in the perverse psyche of the abused. He can’t get enough of Mr. Miyagi and his abuse. He goes to the lake and even the beach with Mr. Miyagi. He endures being forcibly thrown out of a boat. He deals with Mr. Miyagi’s envy at his “beginner luck” in capturing a fly with chop sticks. He participates in underaged drinking on Mr. Miyagi’s birthday.

Then comes the All Valley Tournament. It’s never stated what financial gain Mr. Miyagi stands to earn from Daniel-san’s participation, but it’s obviously great, given what Daniel-san endures.

Daniel-san’s training was impressive, I must say. The back breaking, shoulder aching pain he endured translated to marvelous technique. The balance he learned from being tossed from row boats and beating by the merciless California surf lends itself useful time and again. But he still manages to have his abdomen and internal organs pummelled along with pulling his hamstrings and quads.

Taped up, battered, and bruised at a level not seen since the Rocky movies (fitting since John Avildsen who directed Rocky also directed this) Daniel-san manages to beat many faceless foes, including many of the SNKS’s from Cobra Kai. But alas it doesn’t appear that Daniel-san can make the final. Mr. Miyagi then does the unthinkable. In a moment that can only be described as immensely sacrificial, he employs an ancient technique hinted at briefly earlier in the movie. He smacks his hands together and generates friction, heat, and unmistakable chi energy and channels it into Daniel-san’s hurt areas. To the amazement of everyone (especially the P.A. announcer), Daniel-san fights in the finals. I don’t even have to give a spoiler warning to tell you that he won. He overcame ritualistic abuse at the hands of his peers and cruel tutelage at the hands of Mr. Miyagi.

Of course Mr. Miyagi did have to endure racist taunts from beer swilling rednecks (who knew Cali had beer swilling rednecks), but this does not excuse his utilization of cheap child-labor. If the Karate Kid were remade, child rights advocates would have a field day! It’s akin to him teaching a mexican laborer the art of golf by having him cut all the grass in different ways by hand!

I had to uncover this truth so that you too could see Karate Kid in the same light that I now see it. Great movie it may be, it’s a study in the manipulating nature of child labor!

Nina loves her Direct TV. She programs it days in advanced to auto tune to her favorite movies that she runs searches on. Movies like Big, Big Mama’s House, The Last Dragon, Nikita Blues, and what I’m watching now, Big Trouble In Little China.

I’ve probably seen this movie over 100 times. It’s a really a classic. Jack Burton (played to perfection by Kurt Russell) is the kind of hero I’d be if they ever made an action movie about the Killa. From his pursuit of a pre-Sex In The City Kim Catrell to his overzealous fighting style, he’s the Killa’s type of hero.

Yesterday I went to this grocery store that Nina likes called Whole Foods Market. This place is GREAT. I bought some California Rolls and Salmon Rolls (sushi) and proceded to burn my mouth up with some wasabi. Good times people….not bad times.

So now to the most oft asked question of the past two days or so….what are you doing for the New Year Killa??? I really don’t know is the honest to goodness answer to said question. I know that I have a little chump change in my pocket and a bottle of my favorite champagne (Veuve Cliquoet), so I’m trying to get into SOMETHING. I’m sure between now and Friday things will come together.

Like Old Jack Burton says, “If they ask if you’ve paid your dues, tell em the check’s in the mail!” And if you have to ask what that has to do with anything I just said, you need to spend the next few hours reading the archives.

Every school had one. The girl who all the guys wanted to have just ONE chance with. The girl who had legends made up about her. The girl who was just too fine to be true. Well I saw her today.

This chick was the finest girl at Westlake, in my opinion (and most other guys), when I got there. She was in my older cousin Bryan’s class, 2 years older than me. I spent many a day in class daydreaming about me and her getting married. She was not only the finest girl in the school, she was really cool too, and smart! She was in the Talented and Gifted (TAG) program with me. Our TAG program allowed us to take off from a period of class and go do some activities with the other TAG students. I have to admit there were many times when I’d find out that she was going to be in there and I’d try and get a pass to go in hopes that she’d notice me.

Somehow or another after I graduated and had gone beyond the halls of Westlake, old girl and my sister Nina became friends (I don’t really get it because Nina is like 5 years younger than her…but whatever). One day I was at home and she stopped by. It was a huge surprise.

Anyway I was at my new favorite fast food spot, Moe’s Southwestern Grill, when my mom was like, “Isn’t that *girl’s name*” and I’m like, “I don’t know!”. So she goes up and taps her and sho nuff it’s her. She was with her mother and her brother’s wife and her twin daughters (who were ADORABLE). We chopped it up for a second with them and left, but the whole time I was thinking back on how fine she still was.

It got me to thinking about all of the “finest girl in the school/class” type girls and where they are right now. How many of them are happily married (or “Desperate Housewives”)? How many of them knew just how much I (and other dudes) were jocking them? Did it go to their heads?

At any rate seeing her made my day and I had to share it.

Merry Christmas to my readers that celebrate it….Happy whatever you celebrate to those that don’t mess with X-Mas….

I’m not so much into the religious aspects of it as it were….but I really enjoy this time of year in as much as I get to see people I haven’t seen in a while and I get to eat lots and lots….

All in all I had a great day….and I’ve been having a great time besides my allergies….

I saw these girls I grew up with Friday night….one of them in particular is the first girl I ever really crushed on….she’s still very pretty and all that jazz….she’s in med school too….we got into a discussion about me not ever wanting to get married…she’s of the belief that I’ll not only get married but as she put it get a “headturner”….

After everyone left last night, my childhood asthma decided to pay me a visit for old times sake. I put Vick’s Vaporub on my chest and had my head over a steamy sink. I thought I was going to die. Allergies are a bitch. I got some Lorantidine (Claritan to you) from my Uncle Ron though…and that helps me out a bunch….for at least 30 days anyway.

I’ll get back though….peace

So I bet you’ve been wondering what I’ve been up to since I’ve been in Atlanta besides picking up Buffy’s poop and having an allergic reaction to this house? What’s that? Not so much you say? Well stop reading then, cuz I’m going to tell you.

Not much went on Saturday besides going to Hooter’s for the Falcons game, where we ran into an old family friend “America’s Favorite Kid…” AJ. I guess I should explain that inside joke. AJ is a guy me, Nina, and Che grew up with (along with his little sister Sherica) and for some odd reason we always thought AJ reminded us of Theo Huxtable. He’s a nice guy and pretty much like Theo in personality and such, so I guess it’s a fair comparison. So anyway, if you know Nina you know she likes to crack jokes and jokes and jokes and jokes. One time she put this wallet sized photo of this ugly classmate of hers on an index card and slid it under my door with a little note attached to it. Well she found a picture of AJ and put “America’s Favorite Kid….AJ” on an index card and stapled his picture to it. It was waiting for me on this very laptop when I got home….but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Anyway we chopped it up with AJ for awhile at Hooter’s. There was also this CRAZY dude who came with this guy, Breedlove who was with us. He was harrassing Nina’s friends Mia and Anna before me and him argued about the fact that he voted for Bush. He ended up finding a friend in this pimp who incidentally tried to hem me up in some weird conversation in the bathroom. Yeah, alot was going on. After the game me, Geoff, and the homie Drew (who we met up at Hooters) tried to go to Strokers, but the line wasn’t moving and it was too cold so niggas took the LONG ride home from Lawrenceville to College Park.

Sunday me and Geoff went over to his old college roommate Tony’s parent’s house to watch some Direct TV Sunday Ticket football. Tony’s folks were real cool. I killed about 3 plates of pasta salad and Rotel Nacho dip. They had some HUGE dogs, 4 in all, although I only saw 2. The Akita found my plate on the table and ended up licking all of the cheese and stuff off of it, while pushing it around the floor. The Bull Mastiff had a HUGE head. Bigger than Nina’s puppy itself….huge man! We watched the Wire and then the rest of the Colts/Ravens game and then headed back from Lithonia to the crib (another long ride). I think Geoff understands now why College Park/SWATs niggas don’t really fuck with Decatur too much now.

Monday Geoff and I met up with Drew at this lil Pizza joint/bar called Slice. I wish that place had been around when I was in school. It’s a chill lil spot, even if the drinks are a little expensive. Then we headed over to Dugan’s to watch the Monday Night Football game. Dugan’s USED to be the spot, but now….meh. The game was cool though, even if me and the chick next to me were the only ones pulling for the Patriots in their defeat.

Tuesday Geoff went back to Nashville and I just chilled here and slept and bullshitted. I needed the rest or whatever.

Yesterday I woke up at about Noon and saw that I had a message waiting. Turns out it was the homie Joe. I called him back and turns out he had some tickets to the Hawks game and they happened to be playing his hometown Dallas Mavericks. He ended up coming by at 2 and they just so happened to be showing the NFC Divisional Playoff game from 1980 where Dallas came back to beat the Falcons in a heartbreaker. Joe was delighted by the irony. We headed to our friend Marquis’s house to help him move a TV and we kicked it over there for a second. Then we headed to pick up the homie (and reader here) Caishe. We headed to Joe’s house where we were met by his high school classmate Mitch. Joe’s Texas Longhorns destroyed my Georgia Bulldogs 24-6 (I quit in the 3rd quarter after my 6th interception). I had kept it close for awhile, but alas it was too good to be true.

Anyway, Joe had some great box seats. He brought his Tezas flag and said he was going to unfurl it when (and he KNEW they would…so no need for an if) the Mavericks got up big. Folks that never happened. The Hawks looked GREAT. They made a few of the mistakes that young teams do, and they don’t really play well with the lead, but they still ended up winning and winning big! The flag only made an appearance at the end of the game in an effort to get the attention of the dancing girls for a t-shirt or something. I was pretty pleased though. I really and truly think that the Hawks, after years of being horribly inept, have a pretty bright future. That Josh Smith kid is the truth, and after some initial reservations even Josh Childress impressed me. I’m not going to get too excited yet, this is a 5-20 team we are talking about, but they showed flashes last night and they got plenty of cap room.

And that’s just about all that’s going on. Christmas is almost here. Once again, I don’t want anything but peace, happiness, and good family time. Someone came up with the crazy idea of everyone making a dish for dinner so I’m stealing my boy Julian’s Spinich Salad idea (hope you don’t mind homie).

Re: the last entry, thanks for the kind words in the comments. I just write what I feel from the heart. I don’t do too much thinking or planning I just freestyle it, as it were. Thanks for reading and I’ll try to keep bringing interesting things.

I need to copywrite the title of this entry as the title of my memoirs, whenever I decide to finally publish this stuff.

People always talk about swallowing your pride. Well that’s been the theme of this year for me. I’ve swallowed more pride then ever. I’m a prideful muthafucka and it would seem like I’d know better. All of the classics in Literature had some character whose downfall was hubris, false pride. I can relate. I just hope the Killa Cal story doesn’t end in tragedy.

Anyway pride tastes terrible. It doesn’t go down smoothly. It’s worse than a shot of Seagrams Bumpy Face Gin or a Fear Factor cocktail. It burns your heart chest and burns through your stomach. Hell if you swallow too much at one time it’ll make you want to throw up.

So what have I learned this year?

I swallowed my pride and got out my feelings for someone. In many ways I wish I hadn’t, but overall I’m glad I did. I wish I had handled the things that happened after the fact more maturely but I wasn’t quite ready to swallow THAT much pride at that point in time.

I have had to swallow a bunch of pride and realize I can’t do this school thing by myself. I learned that no matter how hard you study, sometimes it’s just not meant to be (read what you want to into that). I’ve had to swallow my pride and realize that sometimes I have to work my hardest and then sometimes I gotta pull from my reserves and work harder than my hardest and even then it might not be enough but I gotta just dust myself off and keep going. I have to stop letting my pride fuck with me.

I’ve realized that I’m not the only one who goes through bullshit, and there are a WHOLE LOT OF PEOPLE whose bullshit is worse than mine. I’mma keep complaining because it’s a human coping mechanism, but I’m keeping my complaints in a proper perspective.

I’ve swallowed pride and dealt with out and out rejection. I still have a ways to go, but I have come a ways.

This year has been about learning in a very non-academic sense. I’m enrolled full-time in the school of hard knocks now.

And on that very cliched note, I’m out.

I’m hacking and coughing and sneezing and watching the Player’s Club….

I’ve been in Atlanta since Saturday morning…..and well….I’ll be here until January 3rd…..

As you can see the domain is still mine for another year thanks to Baby Che. Ya’ll go read her stuff and show her some love, cuz she’s probably gonna write more often than me for a little while…..

Let’s see….what else is going on?

Nina’s dog is crazy as hell….I came home the other night and tried to go to sleep when I noticed Buffy acting suspicious behind the TV….and then came the smell….my God the smell….Buffy had decided that behind the TV was a great place for her to cop a squat and make a deposit….

Now anybody who knows me knows that the one thing I hate the most in this world is feces…..I hate it with a passion man!….but I couldn’t sleep on the couch with that smell, so I got me a paper towel and picked it up and deposited it outside….then I put Buffy into her lil room, where she will sleep the whole time I’m here….

No I didn’t give you any warning about that story….your bad!! Buffy didn’t give me any warning about her deed either! I think all things considered ya’ll came out better than me….

Shout out to Wendell and any other new readers I may have somehow picked up…

I’m strongly considering not renewing this domain name when it expires on the 19th….if it goes bye bye you know why….

That’s all for now….

Saturday was drizzly cold. Today is just bitter cold with the wind whipping like I’m in Chicago or something. I swear when I came out of my apartment building earlier I thought the wind was going to knock me over on my ass.

Some idiot has placed black and white photographs of penii (the plural of penis) with various lesions (like herpes and chancroid) on the bulletin board here in the computer lab. Very immature thing to do…and this is coming from a guy who still hits girls on the arm like in 1st grade. It’s funny though, because everyone who enters/leaves the lab stops and looks at it with a look of disgust.

So yeah, under the tuteledge of Master Chef Heather, I was able to make a batch of GREAT Rotel cheese dip with ground turkey. I am counting on it lasting me until I leave for Atlanta on Friday. I had 2 bowls of it already though….I wonder how long it will REALLY last.

Monday Night Football is in town tonight, so I bet there is gonna be a gang of folks up at John Henry’s to watch the game. I should really be studying, but I did fairly well on a practice exam so I figured “why not?”. I expect the Titans to get their asses handed to them tonight, it will actually please me.

It’s time for another edition of random thoughts and non-sequitors….

- Saw Ocean’s 12 last night and enjoyed it….I don’t know if it has the replay value of the first, but I wasn’t upset about spending my money to see it (and you KNOW money is at a premium right about now)

- What was that text message all about?

- It’s good seeing that people are alive, even if they never return my phone calls and are presumably upset with me….

- When I get rich (or at least comfortable….and I will), I won’t be banking with Black folks….they treat you like crap for no good reason man….I hold grudges!

- Thanks Romni, Drea, and Heather….I won’t forget….I promise…

- I don’t think there is anything worse weather wise (besides severe weather) than a cold, drizzly day….it just takes the wind out of your sails….

- I really want to be in Memphis right about now….

- Man what happened to Princeton’s Grill??? It used to be a pretty good place to eat….now I heard yesterday from our waitress that they are trying to turn it into a French Bistro??? I don’t know if this is an omen or not, but the French Onion soup I had there last night was TERRIBLE!! I had to add copious amounts of salt AND pepper and the cheese was even burned….and said cheese was SWISS instead of provolone (yeah I’m a cheese snob)….this saddens me….

- I’m sorry for writing more on Livejournal than I have here lately….

- I’ve just came to the conclusion that I probably won’t eat today….

- No I haven’t gotten my results yet from my USMLE Step 1 Exam (I told ya’ll in the beginning it would take 4-6 weeks and this is the end of the 3rd week)….that’s the God’s honest truth…however to rehash I point I made earlier….if I failed, I’m not going to write about it here, nor am I going to tell anyone outside of about 10 non-family members (and if confirming my failure is THAT important to you, ask one of them, if you know one of them)….to be honest I sometimes wish I’d never mentioned it…because I understand that I’ll be leaving people hanging….but that’s just something I don’t really want to talk about/be consoled about if it goes down that way….so I’ll just state it again clearly….if/when I find out I passed I’ll let you know….if not I won’t….and you’ll be able to draw your own conclusion from there….but don’t ask me about it because to be frank it makes me more nervous about it….this is the last I’ll say about it until I find out for myself….

- How bout those Hawks beating up on the World Champion Pistons last night?? Hey I gotta celebrate these minor victories when they come, because I KNOW they suck!

- The Braves haven’t made a single positive move this off-season….they resigned the decrepit Julio Franco….apparently he’s going to play well into his 50’s….ugh….we let Jaret Wright and now Russ Ortiz sign elsewhere….where is Ted Turner when you need him????

- Speaking of Ted Turner, Che called me yesterday to tell me that TNT has started their annual showings of A Christmas Story!! That’s one of my favorite things about this season….I can never get enough of that movie…”Leave me alone…I’mma thinking”….

- I have created a Christmas playlist consisting of my favorite songs of the season….I’m not going to name each song because 1) it’s on my computer at home and I’m at school and honestly don’t feel like recalling all 17 of the songs and 2) I don’t want to know about what songs I’m missing that are essential…it’s my list not yours!

- yeah I’m a tad bit grumpy now….*shrug*….it happens….you’ve just witnessed a Killa Cal mid-entry mood swing….and with that I think I’m spent….