The past few months years have been kind of rough for your boy. I’ve had to deal with failure on a few fronts. I’ve had things not go my way. I’ve had people I love and care for be hurt and even die. I was really living a charmed life up until 2001, and frankily ya’ll I’m not dealing with it well.

I look at who I’ve become and I’m not happy. I’ve become a pessimist of the highest order. I’ve become an acid tongued jerk to some people. Sometime I seek approval in the wrong places. Sometimes I do stupid shit just for a momentary cheap thrill.

To this point I’ve been lucky. No hard drugs, no real life threatening situations that I’ve been aware of, but I get the feeling even that luck is starting to run out. I need a change in my life.

I mentioned on my livejournal my desire to actually seek some therapy (and maybe even prescription drugs) to deal with some of these issues, because minus the occassional vent here, I’ve been doing it on my own. Things are coming to a head one way or the other, I might as well take pre-emptive steps.

At any rate, I realize some people I’ve been less than savory towards as a result of things outside of their control. I’ve taken out anger on people who didn’t deserve it by any means and I know these apologies may ring hollow here, but I’m offering them nonetheless.

Some people have been victims (in various and sundry ways) of some of my foolish actions and I’m sorry for them as well. I swear I should be a subsection of life-insurance policies. Like people should be able to earn hazard money for dealing with me. To those people, I’m eternally grateful for you putting up with me and shit.

I’m a weird guy. I’m different…or at least I like to think so. Maybe it’s only in my head. But one way or another it’s going to be straightened out. I wasn’t always like this. I had my problems, but they were managable. Things are out of control right now though. I gotta get out of this tailspin.

I’d like to thank Heather’s family and the homie Jared for their hospitality in St. Louis this weekend….

That’s all that will be said….maybe I’ll post some pictures….

Cause I’m lazy….

- It’s not like people are clammoring for updates here….
- Is it insensitive of me to compare this weblog to Terri Schiavo?
- I keed, I keed!!!
- You can say the most fucked up shit and then be like “I keed, I keed!”…thanks Triumph!!!
- I’m going to St. Louis this weekend….maybe….
- Honestly I don’t know what I’m doing from day to day….
- Kids still shooting up schools eh?
- I got really drunk on Saturday….I had beer, liquor, and wine all in the same day!
- I also went to Olive Garden…they got the Three Meat Ravioli back on the menu!!!! Whoooo hoooo!!!….thanks Jane Yamamoto
- I be giving people shout outs KNOWING they don’t read….
- I guess I can go on and stop being incognegro about the chicks I like now…
- Yeah right
- I got a new girl in my sites…well not really new…but I’m seeing her differently….
- No I’m not going to reveal who it is….cuz I’m 95% not gonna ever make a move on her….
- She’s not “a friend” so all of ya’ll can breath a sigh of relief….
- That’s as much detail as ya’ll get….
- Some of these song I’ve downloaded…man I don’t know what I was thinking….
- Jay Z’s “Blueprint” STILL jams like the first day I bought it….
- ….as does Busta Rhymes’s “The Coming”
- I still remember the day I bought that album and The Fugee’s “The Score” at Sam Goody’s in Cumberland Mall
- Cumberland used to be my spot!
- I still don’t have a check card….
- Or food stamps….
- I just don’t give a fuck….
- Thanks Doris and Baby J!!!

That’s enough for now….I’m dangerously close to pulling the plug on this joint….or at least the weblog aspect of it….we’ll see….

Before I start I guess I should inform those who don’t know what Match Day is all about (seems I do this every year). Match Day is when all of the senior medical students across the country find out what residency program they matched into. Afterward there is a party that follows that usually is free (including the food and drinks)…..so now that you know what Match Day is all about we can commence with the randomness….

- It’s official, Match Day is one of the top 3 days in the life of a young doctor….based on what we (my exclusive crew of people who I come to a concensus on things like this) surmise, only a wedding or birth of a child could be better.

- Some things said or hummed during the ceremony by either me, Geoff, or Eman: Is that DJ Easy Rock?, *humming* The Blue Oyster Club song from Police Academy, How old do you think she is?, She’s a MILF (Yeah I’ll probably get in ALOT of trouble for that one!!)…

- It’s always a good thing when you come home and there is a case of Guinness waiting on you….

- It’s not so good when you are in the barber chair later on behaving like a 4 year old kid….

- For those who are still interested in the girl I was crushing on….that’s so over….I saw her last night and although she’s still cute she doesn’t move me any longer….

- She’s that dope eh Wendell?

- I was saved from certain barfdom by two right on time tacos!! Thanks Drea!

- It was good to see people put aside differences and get along by the way! Highlight of my day!

- A good nap in the middle of a drunken bender always does some good….but try to get it in before you get to the club!!! I did mine between my haircut and the arrival of folks for pregame….

- A bartender should never leave the bar unattended, free drinks or not!

- Lose Control is STILL my favorite slow dance song ever….along with any Jodeci song….the DJ gets props for each of those!

- However he seemed stuck on a 1998 playlist at certain points….he was no DJ Edge….he was getting his “kick it” on, but I almost wanted to request that he hijack the DJ booth for a second….

- The drunkest person on Earth award was no contest this year….M Dot Brown you may pick up your trophy at any time!

- The mid-party Cigar Break is VERY underrated!

- See Tonia (formerly spelled Tonae) I spelled your name right in this entry!!! Too bad I’m too lazy to go and change it in my photo gallery

- Yesterday was amazing on a bunch of levels: Match Day, St. Patty’s Day, and First Day of the NCAA Tourney…..that trifecta may never happen again!

- I got my dance on something serious last night…..I was training for May 14th….

- If you can help it, you probably want to be in Nashville on May 14th by the way…..just trust me

- I know that if I go to Miami or Houston I’ll be straight, with all the Meharry alums who got matched in those two places!

- And if/when I have kids I won’t have a problem finding a good doctor to deliver and then take care of them with all of those Ob/Gyns and Pediatricians….

- I wish I had the ability to get smashed and then wake up the next day and close on a house or two….

- I’ll really miss this class! This is the class I came in with. They are really a great group of folks!

- I’m getting MURDERED in this year’s Tourney bracket! Couldn’t end this entry and not mention that!

- For the first time in a LONG time I felt like I was going to make it….one day…..

I’ll try to update a little more regularly ya’ll….for real….if anyone still reads this mess….I know it’s depressing, but this is life as I know it….

I am a tortured soul
I am like Kurt Cobain with none of the musical talent….I both crave and loath the spotlight
I am cursed
I am perpetually under a dark cloud
I am anti-people….not anti-social because I am capable of behaving perfectly fine in social situations, I just don’t like/trust people enough to do so most times
I am the world’s most self-effacing megalomaniac
I am my own worst critic
I am a recluse
I am full of false pride
I am lonely
I am too lazy to do something about my loneliness
I am not ready for love
I am clueless as to why people keep me around sometimes
I am scared
I am depressed
I am NOT suicidal…but I am self destructive
I am done

Okay if you read this raggedy website I KNOW you read Panama Jackson’s site as well. So you are probably up on the fact that he has had something up his sleeve for quite a while.

Well that something is here now! I am proud to help in announcing that We The Voices is finally here thanks to the vision of Panama and the designing work of Liz!!

I may be biased since I did some writing for it (see if you can find my two pieces…one is easy to find…the other not so), but it’s the NEXT hot shit on the web. Take my word for it. I’m proud of everyone involved, especially Panama and Liz who worked SUPER hard on it!

I may do an update on “the State of the Killa” tomorrow….I may not….depends on how I feel and if I beat Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas!

Man I miss Shootin The Gift….

OJ has some other plans for it now, so it’s as good as dead. We did a “lost entry” with 3 special guest stars….maybe it’ll see the light of day one of these days….

Anyway it’s shit like this that makes me REALLY miss STG….

Just a regular ass convo held between me and this nigga OJ….it’s not for the faint of heart, as the two of us speak pretty frankily with one another with little regard for other people’s feelings….OJ has a related entry up right now by the way…so peep that….

TheKillaCal (12:29:54 AM): yo nigga
O.com (12:30:11 AM): yo
O.com (12:30:47 AM): what it be like?
TheKillaCal (12:33:46 AM): shit man
TheKillaCal (12:33:59 AM): arguing with these kids on *Name Omitted* about the 50 Cent/Game shit
TheKillaCal (12:34:13 AM): apparently 50 has offered an apology
O.com (12:34:25 AM): lol word?
TheKillaCal (12:34:27 AM): and these mfs are like, NAH….he don’t need to accept that shit
TheKillaCal (12:34:31 AM): they need to beef!
TheKillaCal (12:34:41 AM): SAME mfs that last week was like, “not another beef”
O.com (12:34:56 AM): LMAO
O.com (12:35:01 AM): wow…
TheKillaCal (12:35:43 AM): niggas is like sharks man
TheKillaCal (12:35:48 AM): once that blood is in the water
TheKillaCal (12:35:55 AM): they just want to see some carnage
TheKillaCal (12:36:04 AM): they don’t give a fuck about the repercussions
O.com (12:37:08 AM): lol
O.com (12:37:11 AM): man…
O.com (12:37:13 AM): i hate that shit…
O.com (12:37:22 AM): when people be like… oh he needs to get shot
O.com (12:37:24 AM): i hope he gets shot
O.com (12:37:26 AM): bullshit like that
O.com (12:37:32 AM): shit is irritating
O.com (12:38:59 AM): then we have *Name Omitted* up here…
O.com (12:39:07 AM): getting her opinion from fuckin tv n shit
O.com (12:39:19 AM): nigga… this fast food commercial just came on right…
O.com (12:39:28 AM): and she was like… see this is why america is so fat!
O.com (12:39:44 AM): and i said… well america aint gotta eat out all the time
O.com (12:40:03 AM): if muthafuckas would eat at home… and eat healthier they wouldnt have to worry about that shit…
O.com (12:40:26 AM): everybody KNOWS that fast food aint GREAT for you!
TheKillaCal (12:40:43 AM): LMAO!
O.com (12:40:48 AM): (speaking of which im about to hit mcdonalds in a min)
TheKillaCal (12:40:54 AM): THIS NIGGA
O.com (12:41:06 AM): foreal nigga….
O.com (12:41:10 AM): everybody knows that shit…
O.com (12:41:17 AM): then be SHOCKED!!!!!
O.com (12:41:24 AM): and blame other people because they fat
O.com (12:41:32 AM): YOU DUMB FUCK!!! YOU BOUGHT THE FOOD!!!!!
O.com (12:41:42 AM): YOU KNEW THE WHAT WOULD HAPPEN!!!
O.com (12:41:47 AM): unheathy = fat!
O.com (12:41:53 AM): every day of the week that ends with why
O.com (12:41:56 AM): i mean y
O.com (12:42:28 AM): and she was like….
TheKillaCal (12:42:33 AM): I hate that shit more than life man
TheKillaCal (12:42:42 AM): when people wanna blame Mickey D’s for being fat
TheKillaCal (12:42:49 AM): MUTHAFUCKA EXHIBIT SOME RESTRAINT
O.com (12:42:50 AM): well if they made they food healthier….
O.com (12:42:54 AM): EXACTLY!!!!
O.com (12:42:56 AM): thats what i said!!!
TheKillaCal (12:43:00 AM): say NO to your fucking inpulses once in a while fat fuck!
O.com (12:43:03 AM): and she just stuck with that shit…
O.com (12:43:24 AM): so i say: way to get your opinions from tv
O.com (12:43:26 AM): and other people
O.com (12:43:33 AM): and she just DID NOT UNDERSTAND what i meant by that shit
O.com (12:43:45 AM): on some… what does that have to do with americans being fat?!?!?
O.com (12:43:53 AM): im like man…. come on now…
O.com (12:43:55 AM): youre in college
O.com (12:43:58 AM): try harder than that…
TheKillaCal (12:43:59 AM): LMAO
Later On……
O.com (12:45:41 AM): anyway… ill be right back
O.com (12:45:52 AM): imma go get my fat american on
TheKillaCal (12:45:57 AM): LMAO
TheKillaCal (12:45:59 AM): peace nigga
O.com (12:46:03 AM): and blame it on somebody else once im full as fuck
O.com (12:46:04 AM): lol
O.com (12:46:06 AM): peace

and yes I realize I’m slowly becoming one of the “fat fucks” I berated….but I don’t blame anyone for that but myself for not saying no every once in awhile to the Taco Bell I eat and the beers I drink….I’m not gonna sue the makers of Guinness later on down the line for my bad decision!

I added photo galleries. One is from yesterday’s events (read that post first then come back to this one!), one is an oldie but goodie from TSU’s Homecoming weekend, so Wendall and Angela won’t threaten my life anymore!!

Click above where it says photos or if you don’t have flash click here.

I have to write about this while I still remember most of what happened.

Tonight was the best night since I’ve been in Nashville. It started at about 4:15 or so when Ericka a.k.a. (E. Dubb) showed up at my crib ready to rock and rolll to Nashville on the Rocks which can only be described accurately as a “liquor festival”.

Turns out the homie Geoff, who pretty much organized everything with Heather’s help, had arranged for cabs to pick us all up from my apartment building at 5 PM. Of course niggas being niggas we didn’t leave at EXACTLY 5, but we all got to the spot well before time to enter.

Who all came? Well there was the Killa (me), Geoff, Heather, TaTanisha, Tiffany a.k.a. TT, Ericka, Drea, Lil Drea, Tonea (I probably fucked her spelling of her name up royally, I have it written somewhere on this site, but I’m too lazy to look it up), Dave, Kwanzaa, Kim, Doris, and Jeralyn. The homie Julian was supposed to go, but circumstances conspired against him. That’s all I’ll say about that.

Anyway when we got there we were scared because someone was underaged. But shit ended up working out, despite the fact that they had some high technology ID checking devices.

We got into the actual event and man…I hate to give too much detail…but I almost nutted in my pants….there was free liquor EVERYWHERE (well not free, cuz the tickets cost $30, but still….I mean it was unlimited!!). I got some scotch as SOON as I walked in! It was an 11 year old Single Malt from Hart Brothers. It porbably would have cost me upwards of $10 at any bar.

Needless to say, I got my money’s worth about 30 minutes into the festivities. This was before Ericka led me to the OTHER rooms, with tequila and other beverages.

I am not going to go into depth in describing the rooms there because I’ll sell it short. I’ll say this much, at any future Nashville on the Rocks I’ll be present, by hook or by crook.

Other people who showed up are as follows. Anola (I probably misspelled her name too!) and Brandon who got in for free for volunteering for 2 hours, because the tickets were sold out. Toney and Amanda who were attending their SECOND Nashville on the Rocks. Wendall and Chuck, one of them held it down, and the other didn’t….I’m not gonna say it was Chuck who didn’t, but if you guessed Chuck, you are right. Melantha showed up last, but she immediately caught up with EVERYONE, so I can’t knock her.

I ended up scapling my last ticket with Geoff’s help and he ended up getting face value for me. I drank a whole fucking lot. More than should be allowed. We bough cigars as well and took a smoke break. I bought a Cohiba of course. I ended up breaking the cigar cutter I got for free on it.

We drank more and I saw the homie Jylana and her twin brother Jamal and her sister whose name I’ve already forgotten. I took TONS of pictures (which will be posted sometime tomorrow afternoon). Shit was great.

Most of us ended up going to Joe’s Crab Shack where we all acted a fool and had fun. One of us lost our cell phone, but other than that fun was had by all!

MVP for the night is TT for going back in and getting Heather’s phone because she left it on the table. Co-MVP was Melantha for letting 6 other negroes pile into her Impala.

Ummmm…I’m probably forgetting some things, but as the title told you, I’m posting this while drunk, so fuck it!

I’ll post the pictures tomorrow suckas!

Well, the Meharry Intramural Basketball season is over, and not without controversy.

Before I begin, let me state that when I’ve told non-medical school people that Meharry has a basketball/softball league quite a few are like, “shouldn’t ya’ll be studying”. Don’t get it twisted. Niggas study VERY hard, but we also need a release. You don’t want your doctor to be some square ass, can’t relate to nobody-face ass do you? Well, hell, I don’t. I like well rounded people, and this is a part of well roundedness.

At any rate on to the game. The finals was a re-match between the Freshman Med “Dynasty” and a mix-match team called “They Hate Us”. The last game wasn’t as close as the score as the “Dynasty” won going away, but “They Hate Us” played pretty sloppy ball in that game in my opinion.

Plus, going into that game the rumor was that one of Dynasty’s key players was suspended for his rough play the game before. Which leads to my main point.

Stepping aside from my “journalist” role, I HATED to see Dynasty win. I had partaken in a few Guinnesses so I was already hyped up and I was openly jeering them, particularly Cornbread aka Jiffy Mix. I feel I had pretty good reason however. The first game I watched them play I immediately noticed that they played very dirty. Their “point guard” Buttabean (while very talented, no doubt) played like Ron Artest (who is talented in his own right), hand checking his opponent the entire way down the court. The referees were very liberal with their foul calling so it was pretty much open season and believe me the Dynasty took full advantage. Jiffy Mix was employing “hack-a-Shaq” techniques DESPITE the fact that he was almost 2 times the size of most of his opponents.

On two different occasions their roughhouse tactics almost led to fights. Now it’s one thing to be competitive, and it’s another to straight up bully. They were seriously like the Pistons of 1988-1990. The Rick Mahorn-Bill Lambeer-Dennis Rodman Pistons. On both occassions they were up by double digits towards the end of the game and STILL throwing their opponents to the ground and making a mockery of them.

Now I’m not trying to short them, they WERE the more superior team. They didn’t lose a single game, but the whole element of “fair play” and fun that intramural leagues are supposed to have was missing in the games that I saw them play.

At any rate, the stands were full for the game and I think for one reason or another, be it enjoying the game or enjoying certain people’s drunken antics, everyone had fun.

I’ll post some pictures from the game a little later.