Just typing stuff as it comes to me….

- Forgive this rare star-struck moment….but sometimes I wish there was someone famous (or at least famous from my perspective) reading this….like wouldn’t it be cool if someone I was a fan of was reading this….like I love Melissa Howard from the Real World New Orleans….what if she was reading this? Or Mya Harrison….or Tatyana Ali….or Alicia Keys….or even Coral….or like Barry Bonds or Dave Chappelle….I mean they all get on the internet and have favorite bloggers right? I suppose at this point some asshole would pretend to be them to get a rise out of me….but still wouldn’t it be cool?

- Go see Inside Man….it was a very well made movie….it’ll probably be Spike Lee’s most successful commercial venture and rightly so….he still manages to sneak some Spike-type commentary in there and I’m thankful for it! I need to get that “Kill dat nigga!” game!…oh and I have a new sarcastic remark from the movie, “Thank you bankrobber!”

- I’m the most on and off 24 watcher ever….it appears I managed not to get “addicted” like everyone else (or like I am about the Sopranos), but I watched it last night, and I just want to say….that if Jack Bauer is alive next week I won’t ever miss another episode….there is NO EFFING WAY he made it out of there alive….NONE…..

- Do you have a myspace yet? Everyone else does! Weirdo!

- I am like the last grown person still susceptable to peer pressure….

- I can’t wait to go back to Atlanta and Six Flags to ride the Goliath and the Superman.

- Whatever happened to Surface? They don’t make groups like this anymore….

- Can I officially say now that I’m disappointed in both the new albums by Ghostface and T.I. (Ghostface more than T.I. which I will still bump “on the strength”)?

- What’s going on? Armegeddon come you know we soon done, gun by my side just in case I gotta run, a boy on the side of Babylon, trying to front like he down with Mt. Zion

- I miss the old Lauryn that we’ll never get back….

- I miss the Wu-Tang Clan too….

- I’m stuck in status quo….with my music and poker (which I suddenly suck at again)….I’m beyond salvation I believe….I have to have it within and it appears I’m missing that chromosome….

Goodbye for now….see you on myspace…or some message board….

*note: This is another Sopranos related entry. If you haven’t seen the episode in question, skip this entry, as it’s full of spoilers for episode 3*
I have mixed feelings about this episode. Unlike the vast majority of my friends and associates, I really enjoyed Tony as Kevin Finnerty. I knew it wouldn’t last long but as I stated in my last Soprano’s entry, I am fascinated by the whole “Tony in Limbo” thing and the inner workings of his soul. How does a man who lives his life in such a way reconcile his evil actions?

But alas, I think David Chase knew that he was pushing it with two whole episodes of comatose Tony and as we were shown by the actions of the crew without Tony, those guys are rudderless out there, no one is ready, willing, or able to take over the mantle at this point. It just makes that little miniature confrontation that Sil and Tony had regarding what to do about Tony B. at the end of last season ring all the more true. Sil really wasn’t ready physiologically or psychologically to take up the mantle.

Vito (the gay and suddenly MUY ambitious, albeit slimmer, mobster) is being made purposefully annoying. Like there is nothing endearing about him as opposed to Ralphy who was an intriguing character at least. Vito is actually less likable than Ritchie Aprile, which of course means that he’s being set up for a hard fall. I think most of the audience is about sick of him as they were of Kevin Finnerty. I don’t think it’s going to be pretty, and imagine how this sets Phil off, losing another “relative”, though this one by marriage?

Anyway back to Kevin Finnerty. So in my eyes these sequences were more straight forward and “about business”. He gets the “summons” to deal with the monks. I see that as him trying to deal with some of the sins he has tried to pass along to others. He even almost acknowledges as much when he says he isn’t Kevin Finnerty, but he still feels like he needs to make up for whatever Finnerty’s done. He eventually relents but it was an honest effort on his part.

He struggles to tell his “limbo wife” about his diagnosis of Alzheimers because he is beginning to not only accept it, but believe that he in fact is Finnerty.

When he finds the invitation to the reunion I think that seals the deal for him….and later for us.

We get a glimpse of how close he is to coming back when Paulie almost talks him to death as “Finnerty” bangs on the wall (the fourth wall?…if you are unfamiliar with the term, it represents that fictional wall that keeps TV characters out of our world, or in this case, Tony out of the “real world”) for him to keep it down. It was hilarious that even comatose, Paulie is stressful to deal with!

Seeing his cousin Tony B. as the host, I don’t think he really recognized him as just that. We see kids running around, and they very well may represent Meadow and A.J., but I saw them more in fitting with the theme of a “reunion”. Tony wasn’t drawn to them after all.

The briefcase, “with his entire life”, was just that…his entire life. I’m not so sure that the house was either heaven or hell. It was probably neither as Chase seems sort of non-committal on the whole thing, but regardless Tony would have had to have “let go” of his former life to access it, and as it turns out he still had “business to attend to”.

As this is going on we hear the voice of Meadow. Meadow was represented in the first episode’s opening montage as “Khu” the guardian angel. Here we see/hear her as just that. She’s the voice that Tony ultimately responds to (though in his comatose state he hears her as much more child like). And just like that, Tony is out! Back to the real world where I’m sure the likes of OJ and Geoff want him.

Honestly, I don’t see how the story arcs that were developed in the meanwhile are more intriguing than the journey into Tony’s psyche, but now we’ll get to see if Christopher’s movie, “Cleaver” comes to fruition, I’m sure that’ll be fun (that was sarcasm)! Vito versus everyone will be interesting (genuine this time).

I don’t think we’re done by a long shot with AJ as a matter of fact, I still stand behind what I said in the last Sopranos related entry. I think AJ is going to die. He’s no Michael Corleone, no matter how many Godfather lines he throws out there (Difficult but not impossible….). If anyone shapes up to be a Michael Corleone (and thanks to whoever at TWoP mentioned this analogy) it’s Meadow. She’s the brains of this outfit.

Anyway those are my thoughts/interpretations on the episode. I may be wrong, but that’s how I see it.

I can’t believe that it’s been a year since the last Nashville on the Rocks.

This year was better in some ways, but not so good in others (I for one missed H….among others) they DID expand it though, with the ENTIRE mezzannine designated for the event, which was good!

Anyway one of our first time attendees will probably hope to forget, though I won’t ever let him.

This guy was drinking other peoples drinks. This guy has given me grief COUNTLESS times when I’ve been SUFFERING from hangovers and the like. He’ll be sure to let me know that “only pussies get hangovers and only pussies throw up from drinking” because he never had. I love this guy, so I’m not gonna put him ALL the way out there like that, but those involved know who he is. Homie has joined the club! He even admitted as much mid-barf, but it’s all good. I’m not mad at him at all. I’m actually happy that he can now relate with me on another level. He can empathize and sympathize now! I hope he gets hydrated properly tomorrow! There is a FIRST TIME FOR EVERYTHING! (thanks to the two who helped in getting him home…y’all know who you are!)

Anyway….random shout outs….

Hi Jylana! I love Jylana. Even if she wasn’t tall and beautiful I’d love her because she’s so effing nice! She’s one of the nicest people I ever met! Did I mention I love Jylana?

Wingman of the year is Ginton (look I spelled it right…..I hope!)….no…I’m sorry…wingman of the decade! Your jersey will go up somewhere sacred and hallowed! That’s real!

Hello to Dede and Kristanya….did I spell it right? I had Kristanya scared that I would talk bad about her. I have no reason to really! I have to have a good reason to talk bad about cute women afterall!

Umm….let’s see who else….Miss M…I hope you had fun….it’s always good to see you out and about
The crew of usual suspects…yall know who you are….

I had fun….y’all come back next year!! For your boy!

*note: This is NOT for real. My sisters and mom know my real wishes in case I die. I leave them 100% in charge, this morbid ass entry is JUST A JOKE!!!!….I don’t want no legal battles when I die!*

So today is the day. Nashville on the Rocks at the Hilton Downtown. Folks the odds have never been higher that the Killa may actually PERISH from alcohol consumption.

In case I die, I need to divide the spoils whatever they may be.

The Killa doesn’t have much to offer the world, but here goes nothing.

I leave my website to: Nile….Nile I commission you to make a movie based on the stories here and other stories you and I have experienced. Feel free to make fun of me as much as you want as I’ll be dead, although my sisters, cousins, and other loved ones will probably sue you and I will do my otherworldly best to make sure that they are successful!

I leave my actual computer to: Geoff….yeah dude you will be fully immersed into the world of communism and porn once you get ahold of this piece of machinery….I decree that the first thing you will do is create a myspace….and then it’ll be all over….

I leave my DVDs to: Joe from Dallas….except for the TV shows….the TV shows are coming WITH ME….but yeah you’ll have every single movie known to man with the combined power of my collection and yours…..balance out that Woody Allen and Robert Altman mess with some good ole Kevin Smith and Darren Aronofsky!

I leave my playstation2 and gamecube and all games to: Heather….you are such a closet video game head! I’ve seen you staring longingly as niggas play! AND you like sports too! Give in to the urges homie! And hey, if you don’t like it, you can always give them to your little brother….but I get the feeling you’d even be playing FIFA!

I leave my iPod and all CDs to: Baby J….you love music more than anyone else I know who doesn’t already have an iPod man! What gives? I’ll make sure I have every Mary J song loaded and everything, cuz I know how much you love her
I think that’s the important stuff….

Any of my Myspace Buddies knows that I am fond of filling out those surveys that go around in bulletins and such. I even have one of those survey’s in my main profile. I really do put alot of useless information about myself out there, but I digress.

Invariably these survey’s have a question that asks about “your greatest fear”. I usually put “failure” as my standard answer to that, but that’s not true. I’ve failed before, I’ll probably do it again, it’s not exactly fear inspiring. No, what I fear is “the unknown”.

My fear of the unknown colors every decision I make. As a matter of fact, failure IS a part of it because with failure comes the uncertainty of “what next”.

Maybe this is another reason why I particularly enjoyed the last episode of the Sopranos, because I too am very much in Limbo. I’ve been in a “What Next” phase on and off since January of 2001. And particularly so since December of 2004. I have no idea “where I’m going”.

Everytime I try to make babysteps in the right direction something derails me. Whether it’s a closed office, a rainy day, whatever; I just can’t get things back jumping.

As miserable and lonely as my status quo is at times, it’s better than the uncertainty that awaits me if I make another wrong decision.

The unknown owns me, controls me, looms large over my life.

It colors my relations with women. I can’t seem to take that next step whatever it may be. I worry so much about the what if’s instead of living in the moment, and I think it’s to my detriment.

I’ve grown up to become very risk averse and frankily I don’t know how it happened. Lately I’ve been more risk taking than ever and that has helped me see how risk averse I in fact was, but I still have a great deal of risk averse behavior. I always figure it’s better to do too little than do too much. But sometimes you just need to lean over and kiss her….or ball your fist up and punch him….or say what you have to say to whatever person and let them know how you feel and be damned with the consequences.

I used to be that guy….some time ago….I used to seize the day….now I’m letting the day seize me….

Warning….This post is FULL of spoilers from the first two episodes of The Sopranos season 6 (which are on demand right now and have already aired….if you have any interest in seeing these episodes please skip this entry).

I knew once Uncle Jun shot Tony at the end of a CLASSIC season premier that things couldn’t end well. They opened Pandora’s Box and as a result alot of old souls are jumping ship (like the Souls mentioned in the opening monologue of the first episode).

In addition, just as dividing lines are starting to show up to “divide the spoils” from Tony’s crew so are lines showing up (along character lines) from fans who feel very strongly about the latest episode.

I’m finding through my own postings as well as the postings of others at TelevisionWithoutPity that those who dislike the character of AJ are very much inclined to dislike the direction the show is taking.

If you paid attention to the aforementioned opening monologue. AJ was shown during the part about Ka, The Double. AJ is becoming Tony. Remember youth flashback Tony from earlier seasons? His hair is long, he’s not so successful in school, a hospital visit exposed him to certain truths about his life. In short, this is a pivotal moment in the life of young AJ.

This is pure speculation, but I think the writing is on the wall. AJ is going to die trying to be/avenge Tony (the Double dies in it’s youth after all), and for better or worse it’s going to lead to Tony’s exit from the life.

The major complaint from at least two of my friends (Hello Geoff and OJ) is that people watch the Sopranos for the “gangster shit” and that episodes like this are boring and take away from the plot. I think that couldn’t be farther from the truth. This show has ALWAYS been psychologically driven, as a matter of fact, the whole SELLING POINT of this show and what makes it different from any other Mob drama is the whole, “a mobster walks into a shrink’s office” angle! Why wouldn’t David Chase show us Tony’s inner soul in limbo?

Tony has in effect checked into the “Hotel California”. He’s in Limbo in a Dantean sense. He has no identity, he is powerless, he is lost (the only thing he could say briefly in the “real world” is “where am I going?”).

Christopher wasn’t a character we cared about enough when he went through something similar (remember when he got shot by the two idiots under him Matt and Sean?). Remember when Christopher said he went to hell. Tony’s soul is uncertain as to his destination, though some (TWoPers and certain journalists) believe his limbo diagnosis of alziehmers was his “death sentence” making Hell his destination.

Anyway for those who are buying into it (like me) this is a serious mindfuck and the kind of television you can’t get anywhere else. I can’t wait for next week.

They say that people at Entertainment Weekly and other news outlets got to look at the first 4 episodes and that “episodes 2 and 3″ are the episodes that some long time fans may not like, so take heart “Gangsta shit” lovers, things should be rocking and rolling again by the end of the next episode. For me, I’ll be watching Episode 2 over and over again in the interim.

..and ordinarily I rebel against such things….but because I can’t resist any type of request from Miss Andrea (number 1 on the top 8 for like 4 weeks straight!), I’m doing it….

This will be reposted in my myspace:

The first player of this game starts with the “6 weird/things/habits about yourself” and people who get tagged need to write a blog of their 6 weird habits/things as well as state this rule clearly. In the end you need to choose the 6 people to be tagged and list their names. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged”.

6) I check my email ALOT….like sometimes (including right now) I leave it open and refresh….every 10 minutes or so….even though I know I’m only getting spam….

5) I leave DVD’s and movies paused/stopped (since my DVD player picks up from the last point even after you turn it off for up tto 100 movies….SWEET!) for a LONNNNNG time and then pick them back up. Like I’ve had Clerks on pause in my bedroom since the middle of January….

4) I reuse gatorade bottles for drinking Kool-Aid/Tea/Juice/Water….

3) I can only talk on the phone comfortably in two ways…I either have to pace back and forth (which my mom used to hate back in the pre-cordless days) or I have to be laying down (highly preferred)….

2) I have to have music and/or television going to get a good night’s rest….

1) I use alot of random movie quotes in conversation to the point that most people don’t get them and I end up having to explain them…

I think those 6 things are weird enough (and not gross…I hope….except maybe the gatorade bottle thing….sorry)

I’ll tag the people on the myspace version.

…So things worked out for the homie Baby J….I couldn’t be prouder! That’s my homie forever and I’m so glad that things ended up working for her (prayer/positive thought works)!

I was told by Amanda in so many words that she wasn’t pleased about me not mentioning her in the last entry. I don’t know why, because if she did a search on this site, she’d see hella Millenium Mandy references on here and that last entry was about shouting out NEW folks, but whatever! This is your shout out sleeping beauty! Savor it….

I can’t believe it’s a Saturday Night. It feels like a Sunday or something…I don’t know….the party has definitely wound down.

I had some other issues I wanted to address, but you know what, it’s not worth it. Karma is a muthafucka and shadyness is duly rewarded/punished in due time. I don’t need to dress down grown ass muthafuckas on my website afterall. If you ain’t shit, you know it, and the rest of the world knows it. It’s on you at this point if you don’t mind being a person of ill-repute!

So now I have to balance this with some positivity….I can’t say what I want to say because I’m notorious for misreading, overshooting, overestimating, and ultimately disappointing myself….but I’ll say I had a great, great, great time this weekend….

I hope tomorrow’s episode of the Sopranos is as good as last week. I have a plan in those regards that hopefully I’ll have time to reveal tomorrow. It’s not anything you haven’t seen before….but I’m going to try to be consistant this time….

Everyone has a job now. I’m so proud of everyone, for real. Seriously.

I found out that even more people read this junk pretty regularly so I guess this is your shout out Anthony and whoever else….I can’t remember….I was drunk….

I really had alot of fun especially hanging with H’s folks Lenton and the so very cool Pam…the coolest vet on the planet BY FAR. I hated that they had to leave. Hopefully our paths will cross again, but we’ll always have the memories….

Umm…I have more specific thoughts to say, but it’s late and I think the keyboard clanging is keeping folks up. We fell off tonight…..

Just wanted to mention the things that I mentioned….more tomorrow or Sunday depending on when H decides she wants to leave….

At this moment I’m waiting to be picked up to kick it with friends who matched and whatever.

I should be one of them.

I fucked up.

I fucked up bad and right now I’m unbelievably sad. I’m not going to ever show it outwardly (besides this entry). I’ll cry some clown’s tears later I’m sure. But this week is harder for me than I imagined it would be.

I know it’s all of my making and all, but it doesn’t make it any less agonizing.

My friends want me to be there for them tomorrow, but honestly I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I can take it. I’m happy for them all, I truly am….but for me….I’m….well if you’ve read this far you already know.

So yeah….we’ll see how it goes, but this weekend is already rough for your boy and is only going to get rougher as far as I can see….