Let’s see…I’ve managed to completely piss off one of the few steady readers I had here…so now between that and my posting inconsistancy I’m talking to ummm..two of you…that being said, I’m sure you’re wondering what’s been up….haven’t you?

So I went to New Orleans this past weekend. My trip started off PISS POOR. You know how they are restricting liquids and stuff on carry on bags. Well I didn’t think that applied to colognes so I had my Issey Miyake, my Gap, and my Hugo Boss….three of my favorite colognes in my Meharry bag….those TSA muthasuckas took it. Man I was so pissed. As they threw it in the box the one white guy showed it to the black guy who sort of laughed….I was fuming!!! They also took my BEST highlighter because IT had liquid in it too….at that point he was just being a dick about it….then on top of everything else my flight was delayed an hour.

Once I got to New Orleans though…everything was good again…

H came and got me and we headed back to her spot in the Garden District. She was even thoughtful enough to have a mixed drink in a water bottle waiting for me when I got into the car! It was dark by the time I got there so I didn’t get to see much from the freeway, but it SEEMED like the N.O. I remembered for the most part. The sign off of the freeway by Xavier was a little messed up, but I didn’t see any significant damage at that point.

We got to her spot and Amanda was home so I got a tour of the house. They are living nicely! The highlight for me I think was Amanda’s MTV Cribs-like shower….with all the different spouts and stuff.

After eating some good ole H food (she’s my favorite chef ever….there is no doubt anymore) we headed to this party thrown by some people she knew at a spot called the Venue. It was a nice spot, and although the crowd was sparse there were a couple of dope chicks in there. I fucked around and spilled a drink at the bar though, but other than that I enjoyed my usual club people watching/talking to H.

Then we headed down to Canal Street because I wanted to hit Harrah’s. H put me on a $20 budget and after searching and searching for a $10 table I sat down and played two losing hands. Quickest Casino Visit Ever! We also hit this spot called The Bulldog which I was hesitant to visit (my ATL natives know what I’m talking about)…it was cool though….they had Hoegardeen on tap and THAT folks is what’s up!

I think that was about it for the first night….

The next day we ran some errands or whatever during the day (I saw some of the storm damage in the process…some spots are still pretty bad man….Bush is a nimrod!) and then got dressed for this party they had at Canal Place for all of the N.O. residents. The party was great…free food, free drinks, live music. I saw this chick who went to Meharry and graduated a few years back….she looked INCREDIBLE…I was sweating her like high school days….*sigh*…anyway we had fun there then we went to Harrah’s again, this time on a slightly bigger budget. The Killa sat down and tripled his worth!!! It was great. If you are a Blackjack player GO PLAY AT HARRAHS, the dealers are cool and the odds are good (good payout on natural Blackjacks). Amanda won too….we called it a night after that….we made an effort to hit Bourbon briefly, but it wasn’t meant to be….

Saturday was really fun….I paid the cost Sunday…but man….it was REALLY fun. First H made some Seafood Alfredo (she gave it a name that I’ve forgotten…but it was great). Then we hit the city. We started out at this one hookah bar out by Bourbon before heading to the shoe model spot out in Metarie called Club Eden….actually it’s not fair to call that spot a shoe model spot cuz they had on bottoms AND pasties….but whatever. We made the most of it. Fun was had! Then we dropped Amanda off and me and H went BACK to the Hookah bar…drank more, then headed to Bourbon…got a hand grenade (which was my downfall) then headed to Rick’s Cabaret which was a bit more of what I was expecting as far as shoe model spots go….but errr…still wasn’t popping like the ATL….I drank more….acted a fool….and that was that….

Sunday I had a hangover…a bad hangover….I was messed up pretty much all day….we watched Season 3 of the Wire since I brought the DVDs. Then ate more good food and watched the disappointing (at least IMO) finale of Entourage. And that was about it…..

Monday we planned to go to the zoo (we were supposed to go Sunday, but my hangover and some rain did away with that). It was closed though, so we ended up getting some sno-cones (which were great) and hitting this vintage bookstore where I got some books about film making! I grabbed a Po Boy and sadly I had to leave.

I came back in time to catch Idlewild which was pretty good and worth seeing. And now it’s back to the usual Nashville stuff….kinda….

Man I write a bunch more on my myspace. I don’t know why that is really, but I do.

Anyway….lately I’ve been feeling useless again. Like I don’t know for certain my purpose. I’m certain of my impact on the people in my life, but I feel like I’m supposed to be doing more and something inside of me is holding me back from my greater potential. It’s like I’m looking for a catalyst.

It does feel good to be back to active learning and to be giving this thing another shot, but I still feel uncertain about the whole thing. Like it’s still very much in the air. I am not certain that two years from now I will be elsewhere in the active practice of medicine and by all rights I SHOULD be, you know?

Is it a woman? Most of my adult life my thoughts have been consumed with women. It’s almost pathological, though not very outwardly apparent.

On my myspace I spoke of “a passionate woman”….I am kind of ambivalent in that I’m not sure if I really am ready for and thereby WANT a passionate woman, but I feel as though I need it for completion. Or more to the point, I’m not sure if I really want or am ready for love….but I feel as though it’s the one thing in my life that is missing.

As recently as yesterday I commented that I am content with the status quo. But in actuality I am not certain that I am. Certain days (and today is one of them) my absolutely loneliness consumes me. I feel like I’m not worth anything to anyone and I really should be. I’m valuable, I’m a commodity, so why do I not act like it, why do I not truly believe it? Where in my life did things go so wrong to the point where I am absolutely lacking the confidence to be the man I’m capable of being?

I feel like I’m headed in the right direction but I see roadblocks ahead…..how am I going to deal with them?

Sorry for being so depressing, but you should know to expect that from me sometimes….

On a completely unrelated note, congrats to the homies Leon and OJ on being nominated for Black Blogger Awards….

Gotta head to the school…..

No I’m not talking about this website….yet….

This is the swan song for my fair Braves! As I’ve written in the past, I was there in 1991 as they triumphantly made a charge from worst to first, some 9 and a half games behind the Dodgers at the All-Star Break. Behind the Cincinatti Reds even.

In those halcyon days pre-Wild Card when there were two divisions and it was winner take all, I was truly amazed by the great job they did. It went down to the wire and it was truly riveting for a 12 year old who was JUST starting to become a sports fan. Perhaps that is why I live and die with the Bravos.

Year in and year out they were winners, until winning the division became a forgone conclusion. I used to get alot of grief from people (like my boy Geoff whose Detroit Tigers are currently in the midst of a revival…I truly want him to enjoy it even amidst my anguish) who would wonder how I could support a team who always came so close but only won one championship. I didn’t see it that way. I saw it as my team was always, always, always in the hunt.

But now….they aren’t….they aren’t and it hurts. My once ever steady team had the worst month in franchise history in June. Mind you, this is a franchise who during the 70’s and 80’s routinely lost 100 games. I almost wrote this entry then, but then in the month of July they provided me and other fans with some Iron Pyrite (fools gold) by getting back into the wild card hunt. Then came the sweep at the hands of the Mets and their most recent slide.

The Braves are now some 9 games under .500………….there will be no Sid Bream rounding 3rd on a desperation single by Francisco Cabrerra. There will be no midseason trade for Fred McGriff that both literally and figuratively set the team ablaze. There will be no ninth inning magic from David Justice or wall climbing feats from Otis Nixon or one hit pitching performances from Tom Glavine or any of that.

Those days are over and I shed a single tear on this gloomy Friday afternoon here in Nashville. There is no joy in Mudville…..no 15th division championship in a row. October will not be worth watching. Farewell and goodnight Atlanta Braves, perennial division champion. One day history will look upon you fondly, as no one will ever duplicate your success.

What do Kermit the Frog and Mr. Bean have in common? Apparently both of them recorded video lecture for Kaplan’s USMLE Step 1 preperations. Okay not really, but one of the guys DOES sound like Kermit the Frog and the other dude DOES look just like Mr. Bean. You have to find small things like that to entertain yourself in the face of the type of boredom you deal with doing those canned lectures.

I must admit though, I’m moving at a TORRID pace AND learning as well. I’ve done 11 videos in 2 days! At this pace I’ll be ready for the test in a month! Maybe I should slow it down? HELL NAH! I’m trying to move on with this thing called life man…I’ve been in park here for too long! Why not go from 0-60 in 6 seconds if you are capable of it???

I’m going to see the new Will Ferrell movie at Noon. You know, Talladeega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. I haven’t anticipated a movie this much since Anchorman. Will Ferrell hasn’t failed in making me laugh yet, PLUS Sacha Baron Cohen a.k.a. Ali G/Borat will be in the movie as an annoying Frenchman. This is as close to can’t miss comedy as you get!

As mentioned on the myspace page (what? You don’t read my blog there??) I am headed to the ATL this afternoon as well. I wanted to get a haircut, but it looks like I won’t have time. The only afternoon bus leaves during the time I planned to be in Joe’s chair. Guess that’ll have to wait until I get back.

Hopefully I’ll have some stories to tell when I get back….if not I’ll just make something up!

So today was the first day of the rest of my life. Today I did some intensive study for the first time in a loooooooong time. I read about 200 pages of Kaplan Biochemistry and did 3 chapters out of the Board Review Series of the same subject. Tomorrow I want to finish Kaplan and do the rest of BRS as well as Pre-Test and Med Essentials. Can I do it? I don’t know. But man I’m going to try! I got to get the eff out of here!

I feel weird about something, but I don’t think I’m ready to talk about it right now. Needless to say it involves a girl. It’s ironic that “Find My Way” by A Tribe Called Quest just came on, because it kind of sums up how I feel in a way. Argh….

The other girl….still haven’t gotten at her…at all….I don’t know how to approach it….I don’t want to say too much more before I reveal too much….because people are on to me (and know it’s probably not who you think it is…)

So yeah, this is an update on the life of the Killa….I know I was pretty overdue…..

Oh a post script to the last entry….so when the homie Chuck picked me up to go to the Beer Fest, we met up with Wendell and Ginton (whose name I surely misspelled) at Hadley Park where they were errrm…we’ll say hanging out or whatever…. They wrapped that up shortly and we got in the car. AS SOON as we got into the car, a park ranger pulls up like 5 parking spots away. So we leave, and he follows. Dude was looking for ANY excuse to pull us over. It was a slow speed chase reminicent of OJ in his white bronco! Apparently some dickweed called 5-0 on them. Beware!!!