One of my long standing goals is to see Frankie Beverly and Maze in concert. I know they perform at Essencefest every year, but one of these days they are going to stop performing, this is just a matter of inevitable fact.

I don’t often acknowledge how much I love their music. One of my 3 top played songs on iTunes is Happy Feelings. They’ve been sampled by everyone from Rob Base and DJ EZ Rock to Young Jeezy (the song I’m listening to now “I Need You” was sampled on Jeezy’s “Talk To Em”).

What I love most about Frankie and Maze is the fact that their songs are on the surface very simple, you can get into them very easily, but then you get hooked by what lies beneath. Take, “Before I Let Go” for instance. I’m sure if you’ve ever been to a club or party for any length of time, you’ve danced to this song countless times and never gave it a second thought. But take a listen to it closely one day. Listen to the bass groove and the guitar intro. The lyrics themselves could be an entry by themselves, but suffice it to say, it’s a great song on every level.

The biggest thing about them is that they seem to have the ultimate concert appeal. Their songs are memorable, danceable, and lively. It just seems like their concert would be the absolute best.

Maybe one of these days….

I’ll never be that smooth, suave brother. I’m kind of uncoordinated and I’m awkward. I know these things about myself. I hardly ever say the right thing, and when I do I usually do something to negate it later on.

What I am is a pretty witty guy. I have an odd sense of humor, but if you get it you really get it, and to be honest I don’t want anybody who doesn’t get it. I’m smart and I value intelligence over just about everything else.

I’m determined. When I see what I want I am “focused man”. I don’t see anything else. It’s a blessing and a curse. I don’t enjoy the chase, but I stay with my eye on the prize if that makes any sense.

I can’t change me…and I can’t make anybody want me….all I can do is put the best me out there and hope she likes it…whoever she may be….

Who I am is what I am….

I’ve never felt more alone than I do right now. I feel unloved, unwanted, uncared for, and a bunch of other things.

*sigh*

Right now I’m enjoying life and all that comes with it. The good and the bad. I’m trying to keep things in perspective, even in the moments when I find myself pouting about poor outcomes in *ahem* certain aspects.

I realize that overall I’m blessed and highly favored.

Clinically I had a pretty great week! I left good impressions with every single attending I came into contact with. I hope I can continue to live up to this.

Financially….well I’m still broke. I was hoping that Meharry would expedite my funds, but that’s not the case, so for now I’m gonna continue to live off the land and hope to continue to get lucky.

The lack of love life…well you know…I’m just gonna play it by ear….I realize I’m too much of a sentimental fool and I need to start just fulfilling my needs….it’ll work out better for all involved….well maybe not all involved, but hey, I have given the whole nice guy schtick a chance and it’s for the birds.

Let’s see what the weekend holds for me!

Maybe there is something to that whole “throwing yourself into your work” thing when you have problems in *ahem* other areas. I decided that was just what I was going to do. I worked on Saturday and then yesterday we had a full day as well. That’s all well and good, I was tired, but more importantly I wasn’t thinking (so much) about that other thing.

It all built up to today though. Today was the best day in a VERY long time for me academically. I mean today I really shined (shone…something obviously today isn’t a strong grammer day but what day is honestly….if you come here for grammer….well you have issues).

This morning in our tumor board conference I was on point for the most part. I answered questions confidently and had dialogue with our oncologist and I really learned alot about the case. Then I went and discussed the consult that the nephrologist and I had been working on. I admitted to her that acid/base is a weak area of mine, but I’m working on it and I think she appreciated that.

We went to lunch afterward in the doctor’s lounge and I had a good lunch talking with attendings and such about everything from the football games to the Lehmans Bros. crash. I had a good time chatting it up with them and felt really comfortable with them.

I went up to Renal Clinic and the oncologist from earlier was there. He gave me probably the best compliment you can get from him, when he asked me if I wanted to be an oncologist. I mean you’d really have to know him to know how big a deal that was to me. Anyway I told him I hadn’t decided yet but probably not. The nephrologist also seems to like me alot.

Today was a really good day, and you know, in hindsight maybe things aren’t so bad for me. Maybe it’s a sign that I need to focus on the here and now and worry about other things later on in life.

Who knew?

I’m changing. I know I am, I can feel it. For better or for worse, the old Calvin is dying, being replaced by the Killa. It’s happened one too many times.

Sorry…..

Man so I was down in the dumps about some ish, letting it rule the way I move. But I just had a moment of clarity that was so profound I had to come share it.

What the f*ck man? I’m the Killa! I’m great and eventually all good things will come to pass for me! I’m not gonna be down and out, I’m the man!

I can’t dwell on things I can’t change and I can’t afford to let things I can’t change effect things that I have some control over!

In short, if she won’t, someone else will…and that’s that!

I’ll never forget the very first time I read the Boston Sports Guy. It was one of his preview editions for one of the major and he was using movie quotes from Boogie Nights. I remember feeling that he was a breath of fresh air as far as sports writers go. He was funny without really trying too hard. I got all of his pop culture references. It was like he was writing to and for me.

For years he held it up well, the his first book came out, and his writing started to tail off a bit. Not so much that it wasn’t still enjoyable/a must read, but enough so that I would be like, “Okay this Sports Guy article wasn’t as funny as the last one”. This went on for awhile and then something terrible happened. His wife started writing and she was not only whipping his ass in picks, but she was also funnier than he was.

The Sports Guy used to truly be a “Sports Guy”. He wrote about every sport, now he writes about the Celtics and the NFL. There wasn’t a single major league baseball article written after the NBA playoffs. Not even a mailbag! I mean I was pissed when he decided to ignore my personal favorite league (the National League) but could semi-understand it as he’s a Sox fan and they are in the American League, but to completely ignore the sport!! It’s ridiculous.

He’s lost a great deal of his bite and edge and even his pop culture references are stale now. The worst part about it to me is that no one is filling the void. The Sports Guy sucks most for leaving us in the lurch! I bought a copy of his first book, but this book, the book he abandoned his fans for….eff that book I’m not buying it and I’m not reading it if I get it as a gift!!

What happened to you Sports Guy? You used to be beautiful baby!!!