…by Aaliyah still sounds as beautiful as the first time I heard it. It’s one of those rare songs that the first time I heard it I immediately wanted to hear it again. It just so happened that we were headed to the mall that night and I convinced my mom to get that tape for “the family” which was really me. I have to admit there are only like 3 songs I mess with from that album, as most of the rest sounded like R. Kelly album cuts but it was still worth it.

Beyonce should have to give 20% of her future earnings to Aaliyah’s family because she’s only attempting to fill the void that Baby Girl left.

Anyway, life is okay right now….I don’t have room to complain….actually if I think hard enough I probably could complain, but why do that, you know? I’m just happy for what I have going on….the past 24 hours were pretty dope….and well…that’s that….

…by Prince…it’s a nice song…actually it’s not a nice song if you look at the lyrics (at your leisure)…but I mean hey…it is what it is…and I’m not saying….well….anyway….certain things about the song….speak volumes….

by Shai….

Right song for right now….just saying….

Okay so I’m a “rage against the dying of the light” type of guy….I mean that’s just how I am….so I’m goin to say some things….and then…whatever will be will be….

I know we have fun….I know we entertain each other….I know this….I know there is something there….

And I know I’m immensely flawed…I am broke….I got issues upon issues….no car….nothing to offer whatsoever….so I knew going in I was fighting an uphill battle….all I am is potential and alot of intangibles

And maybe the timing is bad…but when is it EVER going to be good? I don’t care about anyone else. And hey if the status quo is what is desired, I’m cool with that too….but I can’t just sit here and do nothing….I’m not asking for a descision….but what I don’t want is no….

LOL…this is funny…Overjoyed by Stevie Wonder just started to play….it’s a good song for the situation (there’s always a song)…..

Anyway I don’t have any regrets and I’m not gonna be mad if things don’t work the way I want them too….well I’ll be mad, but not hostile if that makes sense….it’s been a fun ride if this is where I have to get off….but…well I want to keep riding if I have a say….

And that’s all I have to say about that….

It’s like the past few months have been a beautiful dream. But now I’m starting to wake up. I could never deserve the good things that were happening with me.

Maybe I can get back to sleep somehow….keep the dream alive….I’m trying….

So my phone has finally decided to spazz the eff out. Which ordinarily would be okay if I wasn’t officially the brokest man in America with a “job”. But since that’s me, my life is spiraling out of control.

I had to spend my last little bit of money to pay my phone bill just so they’ll CONSIDER letting me upgrade….I had a hell of a time getting them to give me a loaner phone and the phone they give me is such a piece of crap that I’m pretty much just forced to use my craptacular phone which can text, but can’t hold a charge on a phone call.

Other aspects of life suck as well. I can’t do the things I want to do right now…..you know what I don’t even want to talk about it anymore….argh!!

….Tyrese from his 2000 Watts album….

I realize I’m a little (alot) ahead of myself but this song just reminds me that even after you get close to a goal you’ve wanted for so long….you have to work that much harder to keep what you’ve worked for….

Never forget that….I know I won’t….provided I get there (cuz I haven’t yet)….but I’ve been listening to this song alot so I wanted to go ahead and “put it out there”….

by Keith Sweat….classic Killa Cal music….I’ll never forget one of the first family reunions I remember from the olden days of the Killa (like 1988 or so)…they played this song A MILLION times….I’m not lying….it seems like every other song was this song….I think it was the theme of the reunion….luckily it grew on me again….

You know one day this is gonna end…and I’ll look back and this will be the best time of my life….no matter what happens between now and that fateful moment….

I don’t have to be doing anything at all….just hanging around….watching….sometimes I feel kind of creepy because it’s the little things….

I know I have the little jealous streak….I can’t help it…I thought I was doing well at hiding it…but you know….every now and again….it rears it’s little head….and I have a lot of other little (and big) things…and still….I’ve gotta be the luckiest guy on Earth right now….

anyway….I know I’m not the right guy…at the right time…in the right place….and now I sound like the Daft Punk song, but There’s Something About Us….

And I’ve said too much….but hey…you know me….maybe one day I’ll be able to gather these words together at the same time as a bout of courage and….well….

So I’m sick right now. As sick as I’ve been in some years. I guess I was due, but man! My whole body aches and I’m coughing and sniffling and prior to today I was having high fevers. I hate when that happens because I usually have the strangest, most vivid dreams. This was no exception.

Last night’s dream was broken into two parts. The first part involved me swimming in this outdoor pool that didn’t seem to end until it ran up onto the street and then we were required to run. Then we had to do some excercises that I refused to do until I drifted into the next part of the dream which was the more significant one.

So in this part of the dream I woke up and I had missed the rapture. My mom and sisters were apparently taken up to heaven and I started a journey to find (or not find) the rest of my family. The whole world had this “static” type vibe to it and everything was brown and had lots of flies, though I don’t recall it stinking. Anyway this was the craziest dream I’ve had in awhile!

I’m glad I don’t get sick like this that often….anyway time for some nyquil and then back to bed for the Killa!

….The Dandy Warhols….it was the theme to Veronica Mars among other things…and a good song in general….

You know I honestly don’t have much to say about the situation. Usually when I’m recapping one of these “things” to other people they tell me how I was wrong…no one did that this time…they all said she was fucked up and it’s a “her thing”…that’s all the comfort I need….

Some things there is just no coming back from…and well….I hope she gets what she wants (doubtful for MANY MANY reasons….) but this is where I get off….sometimes you need a rude awakening and that’s what I got….

I’m already getting over it….