I woke up this morning (well when I woke up for real, because I had to turn my ringer off….6:30 is just a LITTLE too early for me) to the dulcet tones of the late Eva Cassidy singing, “I Can Only Be Me”. I couldn’t have picked a better song to wake up to.

My sister Che called me…well actually Radiance called me first, she’s always the first to call me….but Che called me and we talked. We talked about my birthday briefly. I was watching the Today show and they had Jon and Kate on there and some woman from People magazine. I felt so bad for that family and I felt like the magazine lady was such a hypocrite with her crocodile tears, because THEY had actually created all of these problems. Che told me how she’d recently been called to “rescue” a friend of the family. I’m glad things worked out well for them.

I realized today is just another day for the Killa. Really it is. I’ve been on this Earth for 30 years man! I’ve seen some things. I’ve done some things. And yet…I have so much more to see and do. My journey is just beginning.

I’ve met someone who has changed my world. She makes me want to do and be so much more than I had even planned. When I met her I knew she was special, but I didn’t know just how special she was to me. I’m in love man. I am….it took me 30 years and a few false starts. I don’t know if it’ll last (I hope it does). I don’t know where we are going and I don’t really care as long as it’s together.

This past year was as rough as any, but somehow I made it out a better person. I feel like I’ve made a breakthrough in life that has allowed me to finally love myself enough to love someone else and give them part of me. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m one of those works in progress that is open for business and just has one of those “pardon our dust” signs.

Thank God for another year…Thank God for “newness”…..Thank God for whatever lessons he has in store for me. I’ve lived enough to know that I surely will have some rough times ahead. If it was easy it wouldn’t be worth having….but I’m ready for it….

…by Stevie Wonder….it’s a beautiful song….

I don’t throw around the most dangerous word of all. I am reticent to use it casually, even when I’m talking about material goods and such. I take the word very seriously…and I know what it is….

Even if I don’t use it often…I know it’s there…I’m stingy with it….

I don’t want there to be any pretense about it….and I don’t want there to be any doubt either….no matter what my state otherwise, when I say it…I mean it….that’s my word and I don’t break my word for anyone or anything….

Just thought I should put that out there….

I’m trying to convince myself not to be pissed off about this whole thing man. You are gonna call me at 1 AM to curse me out about not being invited to my graduation?

That’s not cool man….at all….

I had more to say, but you know it’s not even worth it….

Well it’s Mother’s Day again. Mom duke’s has had a rough year, and I don’t want to “spoil” too much of what I’m going to say to her next Saturday at my graduation dinner, but I would be remiss if I didn’t say how much I love her and how proud I am of her.

If I had the means I wish I did, I’d make sure she didn’t have another financial worry.

I’m gonna do whatever it takes to continue to be a good son…she deserves it….

My dad used to end his radio show with those words. I wish Dad still had his show sometimes. He was a hell of a radio talk show host. He made it an art. He was better than Sean Hannity, better than Neal Boortz, better than anyone else I ever saw do it…and he was untrained…he just did it naturally, like he was born to do it.

Anyway, that quote he grafted came from Star Trek. I remember the first Star Trek movie I saw like it was yesterday. Me and pops went to the CNN Center and saw Undiscovered Country. I wasn’t the best movie, but I finally had a chance to see what the big deal was about the Star Trek series. I followed that up by watching all the previous ones on VHS and/or HBO. Some of them sucked (the one with the Whales and the one right after that one)…but Wrath of Khan and Search For Spock were VERY gangsta…

Anyway I’m going to see the new Star Trek tonight. I’m kind of excited. I mean I’m no trekkie by any means, but I love movies in general. We’ll see how it goes….

Off in the horizon is a woman riding a black horse….as she comes into view she’s holding a chicken leg in one hand and a book of the month in the other….behind her are legions of mindless zombies holding boxes of chicken from KFC!

Oprah is ushering in the latest wave of hysteria in the black community by giving away chicken at KFC! Hundreds of thousands of diabetics and hypertensives are lined up around the corner to use coupons that last until the 19th on the first possible day of using it….you know, just in case the chicken runs out!

People in New York are allegedly holding sit ins at the locations that *gasp* dare to not honor the coupons that Her Royal Highness of Cholesterol Winfrey has bestowed upon us!

I hear that next Oprah will be offering cases of Olde English and cartons of Newports….woe is us….

…by Mary J. Blige

For once not an indirect reference to my goings ons, but an actual literal fact. It seems like it’s rained every day since may started. The end of April was so beautiful too!

The tool-ass weatherman on channel 4 seems to think we might get a peek or two of sun today…I sure hope so….this rain is a downer and it’s Cinco De Mayo, a day for sunshine and drinking!

…the Glenn Jones version not the wussy Carpenter’s song….

Things got kind of ummm….hairy there for a second. I almost made a decision out of upset and hurt feelings that I would have regretted for a while. There wsa something though, whispering to me that this situation is different. I have to let it play out the way it’s going to play out.

Even in the “reconciliation” I said some things I didn’t mean. I don’t think it’s “doomed from the start”. Sometimes I get caught in my old, “when is the other shoe going to drop?” way of thinking and I’m really and truly trying to stop….

The rest of the weekend was like a lucid dream. Almost as if that brief 9 hour period had never happened….and I wish it hadn’t…but maybe it’s one of those things that’ll allow even better things to happen later on….