So recently I went to my gamer buddy Shehane’s house and played Final Fantasy VII again and got sucked right back into that world. I can play that game for hours and not be bored at all or get frustrated like I do with these new games (like not being able to beat Spiderman’s game disc on Marvel Ultimate Alliance). Anyway, there is a character on Final Fantasy VII, the Master Tonberry, and he has a move called “everybody’s grudge” where he inflicts damage on your character relative to the number of people you’ve killed.

I know that’s a roundabout way of introducing my problem, but it’s the first thing that came to mind.

I was talking to my girl this morning about an upcoming event and I mentioned being conflicted about it because of a grudge I held against one of the involved parties. She pointed out to me that I hold alot of grudges and how useless it is to do that.

I mean as recently as a year ago I had grudges against people for stuff they’d done in HIGH SCHOOL or even MIDDLE SCHOOL. How ridiculous is that? Grudges are wasteful energy. You spend all your time angry with someone for reasons they either don’t know or don’t CARE about enough to justify it.

I started to think about why it is that I have these grudges and ultimately what did I seek to gain? Did I want an apology? Did I want revenge? What was the point really? As my girl in her wisdom pointed out, there is no point. All it does is make me angry (and unpleasant to be around).

So I’m making a resolution. I am going to TRY to let some of these silly grudges go. I’m either going to address issues while they are fresh or let them go. I’m not going to let old shit keep me from enjoying the new things I see daily.

The internet has taught us alot of things. Two of the biggest things would seem to contridict themselves, but yet, these two lessons seems to coexist on some level for the time being. The two lessons: the world is small…and hiding behind a keyboard gives you AMAZING courage to say things you’d never say in public (read: within armspan/punching/choking range).

Everyone knows everyone on the internet. It’s no longer 6 degrees of seperation, it’s 4 degrees or less. You never know who knows who and how they know them. And yet people talk SO wrecklessly about people they don’t know because they don’t think it has lasting repercussions for them.

Sometimes the repercussions are the loss of a friendship or acquaintanceship whatever the level is. People seem comfortable with that. Sometimes it’s a bit more serious, such as what happened to Perez Hilton when he talked shit about Will.I.Am.

What is it going to take before those with keyboard courage learn their lesson? Will one of YOUR family members/friends have to deal with slander and people talking out the side of their necks about them?? I’m just wondering.

I mean you can call me sensitive, and I’ll be that, because to me it’s better than all of the hate and nonsense I see spewing out of people’s mouths.

…which I’m not. I have a beautiful girl who is perfect for me and I’m glad things ended up the way they did.

That said, I ran across a blurb from Pepa from Salt and Pepa this morning that made me laugh out loud. She was talking about the old days when she was on tour with Will Smith and about how she used to like him and think he was cute and let him spend money on her and yada yada, but couldn’t get with him ultimately because he wasn’t “thug enough”.

I couldn’t help but think about the countless women I’ve known who’ve wasted months and years with losers who they were only with for their thug appeal, passing good guys (and I’m not even talking about just myself) by! Then when they have had enough and life has handed them an asswhipping or two they look back with regret.

I just found it interesting….

During Christmas 2008 my family was preparing dinner when my Aunt Carmen sent my cousin Bryan out to pick up some stuff from the store that she had forgotten to get. I rode along so I could catch up with him and what not because we don’t get to see each other often. He got a phone call and broke into some spanish and I was kind of impressed because I didn’t know he spoke it so fluently. He then told me kind of dismissively, “Well I learned it from Granddad…y’all never used to take him seriously, but I did…” I don’t know why I took what he said so personally, but it really hit me to the core.

I knew from what my dad and mom had told me that my Grandfather was an important man. I mean you could look at the walls in his old home and see all the plaques and awards he won for various endeavors and see that. He was the first black city councilman in his town (Meridian, Mississippi) and went on to be Vice Mayor. My dad is prone to exaggeration and as such, you never know when he’s overplaying something for the effect of his story or not (ironically I do the same thing now, as my girl will surely tell you, if I ever tell a story and she’s around).

At any rate, out of boredom/curiousity I was scouring the net looking for interesting things. Sometimes I google people I know and family members (beware!), but I’d never run across anything remotely as interesting as what I uncovered today.

http://www.usm.edu/crdp/html/transcripts/kornegay_hobert.shtml

This is an oral interview with my grandfather conducted by a Don Williams at Toogaloo College in Mississippi in 1999. I shed a few tears as I read through it.

I wish that I had taken the time to really TALK to my grandfather. He was healthy during my college years (I was a sophomore in 1999 when this interview probably took place afterall!). Shortly after this interview he had a stroke and he passed away in August of 2002.

At any rate, reading about the people he knew and the things he experienced STRAIGHT from his mouth was amazing to me. I have so much to live up to!

I had forgotten how tough this relationship business can be sometimes. I’m so selfish still, in ways I don’t even think about.

I have a tendency to still turn inward when I get angry/depressed and that behavior can be REALLY damaging to a relationship. I recognize it and I’m trying to work on it, but man it’s hard.

I’m glad we were able to fight through me being such a jackass. I know she loves me…she has to love me to put up with how I act sometimes.

I’ve got a ways to go, but I’m getting there….stay with me baby!

What is this 2008?

Today has sucked man. Nothing I do seems to want to go right! I just want to go to sleep man and start over. Fuck!

This could have been a twitter post, but even twitter isn’t working for me today!

I was reading an article/tribute that Adam Schefter posted about Peter King’s recent award at the Pro Football Hall of Fame. He recalled a time when he and King shared a hotel room for the Super Bowl. He remarked that they spent all night talking like two kids in a tent on a camping trip.

My mind’s eye immediately flew back to my childhood. One of the things I looked forward to the most growing up was heading to Mississippi for Christmas and the moment my cousins would arrive. Inevitiably me and my cousin Bryan would share a room and we’d usually spend that first night just talking all night about this that and the other. Even if I had just seen him the previous week or so. We were just close like that back then.

I have had a few friends I can say I’ve done the same thing with. Just stayed up all night and talked without worrying about what I had to do the next day…Nile, Geoff, Eulus, Heather, Eman, Candice…the list goes on and on…

And now with her….I knew she was special that first time we stayed up and just talked….and this is not to say that I feel the need to do it ALL the time, but we do….sometimes we talk about nothing important at all….but just to hear her voice and vice versa….it is just special.

To me it means she’s my friend first…beyond anything else…and hey, that’s how we started (though admittedly I wanted more from the beginning). I’m glad things started that way. I count her as one of my best friends already.

She passed the camping trip test with flying colors…..