The Killa’s attractive female Spokesmodel approaches the podium. The crowd is significantly smaller than past press conferences. The Killa appears from behind a curtain dressed in an orange pastel Lacoste shirt and khaki pants. He cracks a sheepish grin and nods to the spokesmodel to begin.
Spokesmodel: It’s been awhile ladies and gentlemen. The rules are still the same. The Killa is slightly kinder and maybe a tad gentler, but he’ll still walk away from questions he deems inappropriate. Please remember to be acknowledged by the Killa Himself before beginning your question. With that I’ll hand things over to the Killa.
The crowd clamors. Hands raise but the Killa motions for them to simmer down.
The Killa: *clears throat* Before I get to your questions, I just want to thank everyone for showing up to this de facto grand opening of the brand spanking new KillaCal dot net. A press conference was well overdue. Okay now, I’ll take my first question. You from the Maroon Tiger.
Maroon Tiger Reporter: Welcome back Killa, I like the digs. So give us some highlights of the past month or so.
The Killa: Well, let’s see. I’ve been doing a steady diet of questions online. I exhausted my Kaplan questions so now I’m doing USMLEworld questi….wait, none of you care about that! I’ve managed to fit some kicking it into my oh so busy schedule. I’ve been to Cabana’s & Flying Saucer a few times. I reopened the Boom Boom Room to the public and had an official Pregame for the Match Party. I went to the Que-Stilleto event and even out on the town for St. Patty’s Day. The involved parties in said shenanigans know who they are *wink and gun*. I’ve had a good time, all while managing to improve my test scores. That good enough??? Next question, you from the Spelman Spotlight.
Spelman Spotlight Reporter: I heard you’ve had a new recurring dream, want to tell us about it?
The Killa: How the hell did you find out about that….oh well, why the hell not? So in this dream, I’m still at Morehouse and it’s the middle of the semester when I realize I haven’t been to class AT ALL. Not only that, but someone has stolen all of my clothes except for the pajamas I have on (that actually happened to a dude I know as an aside). The dream always ends in the same way. I sit down for an English, or sometimes History, essay exam and I don’t know a single answer so I jump out of the window. Weird eh? Next question, you there from People Magazine.
People Magazine Reporter: The past few entries have been semi-cryptic. Are they directed at anyone in particular.
The Killa: Next question…one more like that and I’m out of here!! I mean it! You there….the one that looks like Meredith Viera…wait, wait, you ARE Meredith Viera!!!
Meredith Viera: Killa it’s a pleasure, I’m a huge fan. What do you have planned for the immediate future.
The Killa: Wow, what an honor. I watch the Today show everyday since I don’t have cable anymore! Speaking of which and on the subject, I plan to take my test on the first available date and get my cable and internet back! I’ve been worse than Champ Kind without Ron Burgundy without the net and cable! I’m a mess without it! I wish I was going to Nashville on the Rocks tonight, but because I haven’t taken the test yet and money is funny and other things I just won’t be able to go. Yeah I know it sucks. Ummmm let’s see….I’ve got a trip in the works, but you know how I am about keeping the details close until the time comes. With that, this press conference is oh-vah! Peace!
The Killa jumps back behind the curtain and hops into a waiting vehicle. The spokesmodel approaches the podium.
Spokesmodel: Well, People Magazines credentials have been revoked from future Killa Press Conferences, but overall things went well. Thanks for coming folks!
