So last night I hit the town running. I went to this mall called “Wheaton” (everytime I say that it conjurs up the memory of the Boondock’s episode with “A pimp named Slickback”), to hang with Eulus and Calandra (on her birthday). Meanwhile the homies from the kthxbi message board Leon (also known as Hustleman) and Hassan were on their way out to boonieville to scoop me. The events that transpired can be explained with 8 simple rules.

DO find a better place to meet up and make first acquaintences than Target….blocking the flow of X-Mas shoppers is a sure way to get hit by a cart or something, not saying that it happened….Hassan got our minds right before it DID happen, but that would have been a very bad situation….

DO find some great spots to kick it at….the first spot we went to was called The Common Share….Leon warned me before we entered that he was like “Norm from Cheers” when it came to that place….he wasn’t lying ya’ll!!! We walked up and the doorman was about to ask for our IDs then he saw Leon and was like, “ya’ll are cool, come on in!” We walked in and it was a cool little spot, they had some pictures on the wall and among them was Leon from a time past….we had a round of drinks before leaving there and heading to the next spot called Souzzi or something like that….it was a real cool little chill spot as well….the upstairs part had “hookahs”….no, not whores (I know some of you would expect that of me!), the smoking pipe things (like Billy Bong Thorton in Halfbaked)….speaking of that spot

DON’T approach a chick if you have questions as to whether she at some point (or maybe STILL) was a man….this chick kept walking by us and we were all trying to get a good look at her face or whatever…then we heard her voice….all conversation STOPPED….like INSTANTLY….then finally Leon was like, “ummm is she a man!!” As he said what Hassan and I were apparently thinking, we struggled to resume convo….there is nothing to break the flow of a good conversation like gender confusion!!….luckily we were drinking good…..which causes topics to mysteriously start and stop ANYWAY….which leads to my next point….

DO drink good….we each had strong drinks which to me speaks alot of people….I respect those who DON’T drink, don’t get me wrong….but it’s a really good sign of kicking it when the drinks are strong like Jack and Cokes, Dirty Martini’s (a diplomat’s drink indeed!), and Rum and Cokes. I almost felt wussy with my Red Bull and Vodkas….of course drinking will lead to needing to take a piss…just remember….

DON’T try to take a piss on a building downtown….especially if there is a guard like 50 feet away that you didn’t see in your drunken haze….it will test your ability to “pull the emergency break” without staining your pants! It does make for good laughs though!

DO find a good seat in The Diner….near some biddies who may be a tad hoodish, but look damned good….as a matter of fact, GO to The Diner….I mean it was a frigging TUESDAY and still, the biddie factor was STRONG! I thought I was in the BK Lounge (hey Max, that De La Soul reference was for you…and you too Geoff!)….in true Killa Cal fashion I didn’t finish my food, but that didn’t make it any less good…as a matter of fact, my growling stomach could use it right now…..buuuuut….

DON’T leave your leftovers in the car after the LONG ride back to College Park….but if you do, at least remember to call Hassan and let him know so he doesn’t have the surprise of an old Western Omelette when he comes to the car at some future point….

last but not least….

DO keep at least one of the people out WAYYY longer than they need to be out….I really hope Leon made it to work today and didn’t curse someone out as a result of sleep deprivation….We went WAAAAY past the legal limit for kicking it on a work night….but fun was had all around!

More updates later ya’ll….as the Killa Cal’s National Vacation continues….