Man I write a bunch more on my myspace. I don’t know why that is really, but I do.

Anyway….lately I’ve been feeling useless again. Like I don’t know for certain my purpose. I’m certain of my impact on the people in my life, but I feel like I’m supposed to be doing more and something inside of me is holding me back from my greater potential. It’s like I’m looking for a catalyst.

It does feel good to be back to active learning and to be giving this thing another shot, but I still feel uncertain about the whole thing. Like it’s still very much in the air. I am not certain that two years from now I will be elsewhere in the active practice of medicine and by all rights I SHOULD be, you know?

Is it a woman? Most of my adult life my thoughts have been consumed with women. It’s almost pathological, though not very outwardly apparent.

On my myspace I spoke of “a passionate woman”….I am kind of ambivalent in that I’m not sure if I really am ready for and thereby WANT a passionate woman, but I feel as though I need it for completion. Or more to the point, I’m not sure if I really want or am ready for love….but I feel as though it’s the one thing in my life that is missing.

As recently as yesterday I commented that I am content with the status quo. But in actuality I am not certain that I am. Certain days (and today is one of them) my absolutely loneliness consumes me. I feel like I’m not worth anything to anyone and I really should be. I’m valuable, I’m a commodity, so why do I not act like it, why do I not truly believe it? Where in my life did things go so wrong to the point where I am absolutely lacking the confidence to be the man I’m capable of being?

I feel like I’m headed in the right direction but I see roadblocks ahead…..how am I going to deal with them?

Sorry for being so depressing, but you should know to expect that from me sometimes….

On a completely unrelated note, congrats to the homies Leon and OJ on being nominated for Black Blogger Awards….

Gotta head to the school…..