I realized today as I was talking to my PD partner/friend/fellow SNMA officer Ericka that I can be a real downer….I make it seem as if my life is THE WORST….
Don’t get me wrong it’s pretty bad, but everyone has there own trials and tribs right now….I’m not alone at ALL….
I stood out in the hallway looking over the balcony this morning before Microbiology lab and I started to think about my situation and why I was so unhappy….I mean I’m a young man in the prime of my life….I’m in medical school which has always been the goal all along….I have my health….I have a great family and great friends….
So why should anyone pity me?….why should I be unhappy….I’m as bad as these professional athletes scrounging for more money and fame in some regardss….I can’t be satisfied with the status quo….the grass is always greener on the other side….until you are there….
The fact of the matter is that it’s just in my nature to not be fully satisfied with my situation….I guess it’s my drive or initiative or whatever you want to call it….it’s what keeps me going ultimately, even though at times it seems like it’s what’s going to take me under….
It’s good and bad….dangerous yet beneficial….two sides of the same coin….I just need to find some balance there….
October 28th, 2003 at 9:21 pm
LMBO!!!! Oh… this wasn’t a light hearted post? My bad. I found your statement “I stood out in the hallway looking over the balcony this morning….” cryptic. Were you trying to allude that you considered jumping? LOL!! Oh Calvin… my dear sweeet Calvin. Self deprecation is a splendid thing.
I find your whole ‘Civilization and it’s Discontents’ posts delightfully charming! Keep up the good work! You’re like the new black George (from Seinfeld) minus the shortness, baldness, rudeness and members only jackets… you’re way younger and more proactive too. So what was my original comparison? Oh yes, the self deprecation. Take it easy Cal
October 28th, 2003 at 11:22 pm
Life is a lesson to be learned not one to live… anyway, where was i going with this…umm… oh yeah, we all have a period where we aren’t self assured. What more can you offer than your absolute very best? The only time you can really complain is when you aren’t giving it….
October 29th, 2003 at 12:40 am
Calvin, don’t be so hard on yourself, sweetie. We all have those moments when we are so caught up in what’s wrong with our lives that we forget what’s right. The good news is that you recognize it and I’m sure you’ll be vigilant in not letting it get the best of you. BTW, PJ says what’s up (very loudly!)
October 29th, 2003 at 2:25 am
You’re preaching to the choir with this one. I know that I often feel much the same way you do, but in all honesty you don’t ever fully appreciate the time in place that you are in until after it’s over or something else more challenging comes along (whichever comes first). It’s our nature as human beings to just be dissatisfied- to always want more, strive for me, etc. It really is a constant struggle to find contentment in life but I think that just comes with time. Also- the whole student lifestyle is another issue- even though you’re living out your dream (as I am also doing)- YOU’RE BROKE!!! It won’t be like this forever but it’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes, especially when you look around and see many people that aren’t dealing with the stress, pressure, and brokeness you are incurring. I said all of that to say- I FEEL YOU!! :0)
October 29th, 2003 at 8:30 am
First off, medical school is overrated. That being said, and going through the medical school experience with Cal and our classmates at the moment, I can understand that side of his plight.
On a different note, Happiness isn’t a dime a dozen. It takes hanging in there and working hard as much as you have to to achieve it. Money will only get you so far, your friends will only get you so far, your family will only get you so far, and your situation will probably impede progress. It’s a long journey, but I can attest that getting there is somewhat fun and well worth it in the end. Even having the best woman in the world as a wife, being blessed to BE in med school, having great friends and a wonderful family hasn’t made me COMEPLETELY happy, probably because I’m flat broke, but it’s a start, so in relation to you my friend, try and look at the positives and hope they outweigh the negatives. Oh, and ignore the bullshit. No need to pile the little things on top of an already stressful life.
Hrm, my original thought was to encourage you, but I dunno if I did that. I guess I just wanted to give you something to relate to. Other people in your life are going thru similar experiences, take consolation in the fact that you are not alone and that as you look around and see other people continuing the struggle for eternal bliss, so should you
October 29th, 2003 at 11:46 am
Damn Geminis…nothing is ever good enough. And I include myself (June 3…God’s special day). Balance is hard to find…like retro Jordan’s the day after they come out in stores.
October 29th, 2003 at 2:18 pm
Man….I am feeling this pity party.
October 29th, 2003 at 3:03 pm
Join the club,Cal. I suffer from the same affliction (being a perfectionist). I try to be optimistic…cause it could always be worse. The grass seems greener on the other side, but it’s astroturf. In the words of the illustrious poet Tupac Shakur “Keep your head up!” P and B. ;~)
October 29th, 2003 at 5:40 pm
I agree with I_boogie on this one… I almost yelled out DON’T JUMP CALVIN!!
October 29th, 2003 at 6:39 pm
I was in the same spot 2 months ago. Nothing satisfied me. Infinitely pessimistic (sp?) Forced optimisim and a little bit of delusion and denial got me through to be honest.
“So why should anyone pity me?….why should I be unhappy….I’m as bad as these professional athletes scrounging for more money and fame in some regardss”
Warren Sapp anyone?
November 4th, 2003 at 10:59 pm
Me too killa me too.