I know I’ve been scarce around these parts. I’ve had alot going on.

Before I start, let me say, I know I have a lot to be thankful for relatively speaking. It could always be worse, blahzay blue. Great, but THIS muthafreaking website is MY place to complain (or be rejoiceful) about what is going on in MY life, so before you leave some ish in my comments about “counting my blessings” I’ve already taken account. Save that righteous bullish, and let me rain on my own parade if I want!

So yeah, let’s attack some things straight up. As far as school is concerned, it’s gotten to a point where I’m scared. I’m honestly scared to retake this test, I’m scared to resume my medical career, if I even have that ability at all. I’m at a point where it’s not even one of my major worries and that’s scarier than anything else. It’s small potatoes next to my family problems.

I’m not in the business of putting my family’s stuff out there, but man….say a prayer for me and my family. I wish the past 4 years never happened. I wish it had never f*cking happened man! Things have been in a progressively downward spiral after looking SO good in 2001! It’s like God is playing a cruel trick on us! It f*cking sucks when things are unraveling around you and you have NO control over it and the people who DO can’t/won’t talk to you. It sucks when people say things about people you love, things that may be true, but they have no right to say them! On about 3 or 4 fronts things are terrible, it consumes my thoughts day and night, and it SHOULDN’T. I know where I get it from though….am I destined to follow in their footsteps? I hope not!!

Then there is her….I miss her, I want to be with her, I want her here with me….I want to be near her….and I can’t….this is almost worse than being lonely like I was before….

So yeah, I’m thankful for being alive, and for having people I love alive….now if we could all act right/do right/have some good fortune/be near each other! Yeah, it could be worse, but it could be better too!! Why can’t I pull for the latter?!?!!?!