This is going to be an emotionally volatile entry….just letting you know now….turn back if you want, before it’s too late.

You know I realize I have my issues. I’m somewhat toxic at times and I’ve been working on it. I’ve learned lessons from past instances, and I’m really making an effort to tackle issues head on instead of letting them linger and fester and shit.

With that said, the people I consider my friends are the people I also think know me the best or at least SHOULD know me the best. So, I have a friend who is here with me doing the same thing I’m doing. I studied with them because (1) they are my friend and the only person I really knew upon coming here and (2) it was suggested…no DEMANDED by Dr. Francis that we all get drill partners.

Now said person said they had issues with studying with other people, but at the same time, part of the whole program was "buying into" what Dr. Francis said, so I kind of forced them into that. I didn’t realize that I was going to be "looking down on" that person or belittling them or making them feel bad.

Really? I mean dude, you PASSED the test that I’m studying for, what kind of ASSHOLE would I be to look down on YOU? I’m here because I have some deficiencies in my knowledge!

But you know I’m even willing to give into that. But we’ve been here going on 3 weeks now! It’s finally coming to light because of some passive aggressive behavior that ALSO involves me being grumpy about going out to eat among other issues?

REALLY? I find out what you think of me THAT way? I don’t need this right now, I’m trying to study to get my mind right for this exam, it’s almost life or death for me.

I’m not going to be a negative influence on someone elses study and livelyhood, but more than that, I’m not going to allow SOMEONE ELSE to effect me negatively. Especially when the whole ordeal is on some passive aggressive BS, that could have been handled weeks ago!

Even more than these issues though, this person is someone I consider to be one of my best friends. For them to think that I’d treat them that way really hurt my feelings. I don’t allow too many people into my inner circle….I’ve said this before. Maybe I’m too swift to rush to judgement, my sister thinks so, but man….I just don’t take kindly to having my feelings hurt, not when I take so many precautions toward protecting them!

These next couple of days are going to be hard, I didn’t expect to have to deal with emotionally traumatic issues maturely! I came here in part to MEND some of my emotional issues as it pertains to testing.

Argh! Man today was such an up and down day, between being sick and then….well other things that happened….and then THIS? Not to mention Meharry is still playing with my money!

Argh!